Flossie fake-out still more authentic than new Pro Bowl

We dodged one storm, but others are gathering as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» After forecasts that Tropical Storm Flossie would bring us punishing rain, wind and surf, Hawaii escaped relatively unscathed as Flossie fizzled to a tropical depression. Poor Kirk Caldwell was all dressed up in his hard hat that says "Mayor" with no party to go to.

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie jumped the gun and issued an emergency proclamation a day in advance of the storm that never arrived. No looming natural disaster in Hawaii would be complete without a little premature evacuation.

» Despite persistently low approval ratings, Abercrombie added $859,483 to his re-election fund since January for a total of $3.3 million. He can weave straw into gold like nobody since Rumpelstiltskin.

» A slip by U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa’s aide raised suspicion that a drug industry group is helping her Senate bid in possible violation of federal rules against coordinated campaigns. The difference between the drug industry and drug cartels is that the cartels terrorize politicians while the industry just buys them.

» Obamacare is scheduled to roll into Hawaii Jan. 1 with only two participating health insurers — HMSA and Kaiser Permanente — and HMSA is already warning consumers to prepare for "rate shock." The only shock around here anymore is when the rates don’t shock.

» An expert hired by the state is refusing to certify Hawaiian Electric Co.’s five-year energy plan, saying the $11 million effort lacked sound analysis and understated consumer costs. That’s what happens when HECO confuses TV commercials with planning.

» Next year’s NFL Pro Bowl in Honolulu will drop the traditional NFC vs. AFC format in favor of a fantasy football system for picking team rosters. The main difference is that in fantasy football, there’s more hitting.

» The NFL was forced to ditch the Pro Bowl’s old format to avoid a competitive embarrassment after McDonald’s was named as the game’s presenting sponsor. Recent contests were so boring that by halftime, the fan chants of "NFC" and "AFC" turned to "KFC."

» Congratulations to Roosevelt High senior Gillian M. Desmond, who was one of only 781 U.S. students out of more than 1.66 million taking the rigorous ACT test to score a perfect 36 for college readiness in English, math, reading and science. It’s nice for all of us wannabe know-it-alls to have a real one to look up to.

And the quote of the week … from University of Hawaii interim President David Lassner on how he’ll heal what ails UH: "I think we have to be straightforward. I think we have to do what we say we’re going to do." The next time UH announces a Stevie Wonder concert, it’ll darn well have one.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.