Newsmakers display more imprudence and impudence

The commitments were soft and the words were hard as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie said there will likely be a special session of the Legislature to enact same-sex marriage, but House Speaker Joe Souki wasn’t so sure, worrying that some of his votes may be "soft." Not unlike many marriage vows.

» City Council members criticized Mayor Kirk Caldwell for making $20 million in spending cuts — much of it from police and fire — but the mayor said to not be prudent would be "political malpractice." He didn’t explain how that differs from our normal political malfunction.

» Caldwell named Harvard-educated executive Ray Soon as his new chief of staff, and a city spokesman said Soon will act as a "vote counter" to gauge the mayor’s support on the City Council. He needs a guy with a Harvard degree to count to zero?

» East Oahu residents are frustrated that nonworking toilets at Maunalua Bay are still not hooked up after three years and three city administrations working on the problem. The city is asking park-goers to be irregular for just a little bit longer.

» Atheist Mitch Kahle hyped his lawsuit against five churches for allegedly underpaying to use school facilities by appearing at a Board of Education meeting to insult the religious faith of Chairman Don Horner. What a great country: You can file a class-action suit even if you don’t have any.

» University of Hawaii regents will pay a consultant up to $50,000 to help them find another consultant — an executive search firm to recruit a new UH president. These regents use consultants like Adam and Eve used fig leaves.

» After what was described as an "unprecedented spike" in Hawaii shark attacks in the past two years, the state said it will launch a study of why sharks bite. Why not fight fire with fire and give the job to Sen. Donna Mercado Kim’s investigative panel?

» The Hawaii Community Development Authority gave its initial OK to a new wedding facility at Kewalo Basin and a commercial light show that would take over a third of Kakaako Waterfront Park. Directors needed a brief break from rubber-stamping high-rise condos.

And the quote of the week … from U.S. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard in a speech to a youth services group on Kauai: "When you’re faced with a closed door with 10 deadbolts on it, find a way through that door. Find a way to unlock those locks." Only a politician would make an inspirational metaphor out of burglary.

(Note: Starting Sept. 8, my Volcanic Ash column will appear in this space. The final Volcanic Ash of each month will be in "flASHback" style.)

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.