Stopping domestic violence is everybody’s business

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and today, Oct. 3, is the 19th anniversary of the Men’s March Against Violence.

The march is part of a larger state and national effort to raise awareness of, and bring an end to, domestic violence. Several organizations have banded together to present the Men’s March Against Violence to convey their solidarity in the expression of concern about this serious problem.

In Honolulu, men and boys will gather in the state Capitol courtyard at noon today for the march, which will end at Skygate Park. There they will be met by supportive women for a rally featuring special guest speakers.

This year’s theme is "Domestic Violence is Everyone’s Business." For too many years, we’ve talked ourselves into believing that domestic violence is somebody else’s problem.

Today we stand together and march for women who dread going home for fear of getting beaten, for women who find comfort in going to work to get away from the violence at home, for women who have been victims of domestic and sexual violence and survived to share their stories and help others, and for women who sadly did not.

We also march for their keiki, who hover in corners watching as the men in their lives strike their mothers and siblings, frozen by the fear and inability to do anything to help them.

Domestic violence statistics continue to be sobering: One in four women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime, with 37 percent of Hawaii women reporting being a victim of domestic violence, rape or stalking in 2010.

Actor Patrick Stewart once gave a speech on domestic violence in which he talked of his experience as a child seeing his mother beaten by his father. His words were strong and meaningful. He said: "The people who could do most to improve the situation of so many women and children are, in fact, men … Violence is never, ever a choice that a man should make."

Stewart is correct. As men, as male role models for our keiki, we can do what’s right by making smart choices and holding all perpetrators of domestic violence accountable for their actions.

Domestic violence against women is far more prevalent than it is against men, but we must also acknowledge that this issue affects everyone, no matter what gender.

The stigma of shame has kept domestic violence a "hush-hush" matter that is often discussed only in private. A defining characteristic of domestic violence is isolation. The only time that victims are accessible outside the home is while at work. It is one of the few venues to reach out to victims.

Unfortunately, most employers are not prepared to deal with domestic violence issues. What can businesses do to raise awareness? Employers can display information about community resources, provide reception with a photo of the perpetrator, recognize the signs of domestic violence, and have a plan in place when a domestic violence situation comes up.

The Domestic Violence Action Center has a training program for employers and human resources directors. More information can be found at www.stoptheviolence.org.

Today, Honolulu businesses can take the first step by standing with others in the Men’s March Against Violence.

Be brave, stand up and join representatives from Catholic Charities Hawaii, the Domestic Violence Action Center, the YMCA, Kapiolani Community College, PHOCUSED, the City and County of Honolulu and other men, women and children to make domestic violence everyone’s business.