The haves and the hapless propel the August primary

The primary election was a lesson in comeuppance as we "flASHback" on August’s news that amused and confused:

» Neil Abercrombie’s unlikely journey from antiwar activist to governor of Hawaii ended when he was pounded by underdog Sen. David Ige in the Democratic primary. His political odyssey went from "Hell no, we won’t go" to "Hell freezes over" to "The hell with you."

» Lt. Gov. Shan Tsutsui easily fended off Sen. Clayton Hee’s challenge for the state’s No. 2 job. The difference between winning and losing is that both end up doing nothing, but only one gets paid for it.

» Abercrombie and Hee led a flock of candidates with perceived temperament issues who lost, joined by Sens. Donna Mercado Kim and Malama Solomon and Reps. Faye Hanohano and Rida Cabanilla. The posterior of the horse seldom crosses the finish line first.

» Independent gubernatorial candidate Mufi Hannemann got the message, saying he learned from his election losses that he must be more sensitive to others. That’s as likely as a Doberman learning table manners.

» James "Duke" Aiona, whose religious Republicanism was a concern the last time he ran for governor, doubled down on the piety by adding New Hope pastor Elwin Ahu as his running mate. While other tickets make campaign promises, they’ll give communion.

» Rep. Colleen Hanabusa didn’t sue over her narrow loss to U.S. Sen. Brian Schatz, but neither did she actually concede. Her last chance is to wait until Schatz raises his hand to take the oath and try to arm wrestle him for the job.

» Republican Cam Cavasso said his U.S. Senate campaign theme is "A Steersman for Hawaii," reflecting his belief that everybody in a canoe must work together. You know the GOP is sunk when its best idea is to steal Abercrombie’s canoe metaphor.

» State elections chief Scott Nago is again under fire, as Puna residents accuse him of keeping them from the polls after Tropical Storm Iselle. Hawaii’s devoted nonvoters resent when somebody makes their decision not to vote for them.

» After whining for a year about new performance evaluations, 98 percent of Hawaii teachers got glowing marks in their first reviews. If teachers think a test that 98 percent can ace is too hard, is it any wonder our schools are in trouble?

» University of Hawaii Athletics Director Ben Jay said UH football may have to go because of budget concerns, then clarified that no sports will be cut. The only logical conclusion is that UH football isn’t a sport as played in recent years.

And the quote of the month … from Hannemann in asking voters for another chance: "I have learned a lot while being out of office." Such as how hard it is to have to earn a living.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.