A ‘perfect storm’ is about as perfect as it gets in isles

It’s the last Sunday of April and time to "flASHback" on the month’s news that amused and confused:

» A breakdown of the ZipMobile and H-1 ZipperLane left commuters stuck in traffic late into the night. When a critical system depends on a bunch of guys being able to competently operate a zipper, what could go wrong?

» State Transportation Director Ford Fuchigami described the ZipFiasco thusly: "Yesterday was kind of a perfect storm in terms of everything falling apart." Savor the moment; it’s as close to perfection as our local government gets.

» Gov. David Ige backed away from the ambitious plans of the Abercrombie administration to modernize the state’s antiquated computer systems. Taking a lesson from Mauna Kea telescope protests, Ige decided the ancient computers are sacred.

» University of Hawaii spokesman Dan Mei­­se­n­zahl said of the arrests of Mauna Kea protesters: "If the university had a heart, it would be broken." If the university had a brain, it would be dangerous.

» Hawaii County Mayor Billy Kenoi’s political star faded after he was caught using his county credit card for personal charges such as a $1,900 bicycle, a $1,200 surfboard and $1,300 in hostess bar tabs. He was training for a new sporting event called the Happy Ending Triathlon.

» Kenoi admitted that putting his personal expenses on a government credit card was a dumb mistake and promised to be smarter. From now on, he’ll take along a lobbyist to pay the bar hostesses.

» Facing investigations by the attorney general and the Ethics Commission and calls to resign, Kenoi said he’s done talking about the controversy. Questions can be directed to his three Hono­lulu defense attorneys or his mama-san.

» While advancing a $1 billion rail excise tax increase that regressively hits the poor the hardest, the Legislature is poised to give Hawaii’s wealthiest residents a $36 million income tax cut. It seems Democrats know how to throw a tea party, too.

» With only a tenth of the city’s $6 billion rail line built, large cracks are already appearing in the unused concrete guideway. We may have the most expensive transit project in the country, but at least we get quality workmanship for our money.

» The city said it has no idea how it’ll pay for rail’s massive operating costs and has given the task of figuring it out to its "permitted interaction group," more commonly known in the transit agency as "PIG." Finally, some truth in advertising.

And the quote of the month … from Councilwoman Ann Kobayashi, accusing city administrators of lying to her: "I’ve always trusted people and I always believe in the best of people. My friends keep saying that’s why I have all these stab wounds in my back." I thought those holes were for venting the hot air.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.