Volcanic ash: Officials’ quotes reveal fight with foot-in-mouth disease

What was the talk of the town in 2015? I offer 10 of my favorite local news quotes that framed our year:

>> Gov. David Ige in a State of the State speech laden with confounding homilies: “Let the end not justify the means but allow us to work through them.” It’s a new style of leadership called “Riddle me this, Batman.”

>> State Transportation Director Ford Fuchigami on the ZipMobile malfunction that snarled West Oahu traffic late into the night: “Yesterday was kind of a perfect storm in terms of everything falling apart.” Savor the moment; it was as close to perfection as our local government gets.

>> Randall Iwase, chairman of the state Public Utilities Commission: “I’m not here to make everyone happy with a consensus opinion that’s so watered down it’s meaningless.” That’s the governor’s job.

>> Mayor Kirk Caldwell, reopening Waikiki and Ala Moana beaches after a massive sewage spill: “People can make their decisions based on what they see in the water and whether they want to go in.” He made it sound like voting in one of our elections.

>> City Environmental Services Director Lori Kahikina on why the city didn’t disclose that it underestimated the sewage spill by 300,000 gallons: “I guess I just didn’t want to confuse the public.” It’s the Caldwell administration’s philosophy in a nutshell: If you’re drowning in doo-doo, who cares how deep?

>> Oahu rail CEO Dan Grabauskas on soaring project costs: “The message that we want to send to folks is that no one’s going to come back to be asking for more money than the (tax) extension that was already passed by the Legislature and the governor.” The only thing growing faster than the rail budget is Grabauskas’ nose.

>> Councilwoman Ann Kobayashi, accusing city administrators of lying to her: “I’ve always trusted people and I always believe in the best of people. My friends keep saying that’s why I have all these stab wounds in my back.” I thought those holes were for venting hot air.

>> City Customer Services Director Sheri Kajiwara on the Caldwell administration’s $80,000 effort to rid city facilities of feral chickens: “We are concentrating where chickens roost and where they propagate.” If the administration targets the City Council like that, does it violate separation of powers?

>> Big Island Mayor Billy Kenoi, caught charging hostess bar tabs and other personal expenses on his county credit card: “They’re telling me, ‘You’re not a smart guy, how could you be so stupid?’ I have no answers.” Maybe he can consult his mama-san.

>> Rancher Alan Gottlieb on a bill to ban exotic animal acts in Hawaii: “The bill is just a step down a slippery slope. Today circuses and fairs, and tomorrow zoos and aquariums?” And the next day the Legislature and City Council?