Frights and horrors abound as legislators go about work

The April foolery is over and it’s time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> The Legislature neared adjournment with a $13.7 billion budget that spends $400 million more than the state takes in and the usual last-minute fright about “gut-and-replace” measures and “Frankenbills.” Ours is the only Capitol that goes bump in the night.

>> Legislators raised suspicions by sending a blank bill to conference committee. It was an omnibus measure to take care of campaign donors they forgot about in other bills.

>> Lawmakers tweaked Hawaii’s medical marijuana law to, among other things, give patients more ways to take the drug. After the tortured path of this program, the obvious choice is anal suppositories.

>> A measure to determine how much medical marijuana can safely be consumed before driving was shelved. Legislators figure they’ll know soon enough from the autopsies.

>> It was a rough month for the city’s $6.7 billion rail project, with hints of more cost overruns, a scathing financial audit, the resignation of its chairman and pressure on its CEO to follow suit. As Bob Dylan foretold, “It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry.”

>> Mayor Kirk Caldwell lectured the rail agency that it must tell the truth “no matter how unpopular it is.” A cry was heard around Oahu: “You first, Mr. Mayor.”

>> New rail chairwoman Colleen Hanabusa criticized CEO Daniel Grabauskas’ rant at city auditors, saying, “Just because you disagree is not the reason to throw a fit.” This from a politician who unsuccessfully sued the governor for vetoing her $75 million Ko Olina aquarium, the city for refusing her demand to close its landfill and the state for not stopping an election she was losing.

>> City Council Chairman Ernie Martin and Councilman Joey Manahan ditched their controversial scheme to spend $250,000 of taxpayer money to expand the New Hope megachurch. They must have prayed for a revelation about the separation of church and state.

>> Manahan questioned why he should support the administration’s homelessness plan “if it’s actually not going to do anything for me.” Would somebody please get him his own tent and shopping cart?

>> The Honolulu Police Department, mired in scandal and doubts about Chief Louis Kealoha’s leadership, hired a public relations consultant for $125,000. That’s like bringing in a perfumer to fix an overflowing cesspool.

>> A national survey of government journalists found Hawaii is the only state in which the executive and legislative branches are both perceived to be very corrupt. Wouldn’t you know that’s the one thing the two branches can cooperate on?

And the quote of the month … from Grabauskas on calls for his resignation from his $257,000-a-year job as rail CEO: “This is my home. I’ve put down roots.” You could say the same about crabgrass.

———

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.