For mom with a sassy streak, it’s looking like payback time

What goes around comes around.

I am living proof of that universal proverb, as are most parents.

My not-so-little 9-going-on-16-year-old daughter is the spitting image of moi and, I must admit, acts just like the stubborn and sassy girl I once was (some argue, still am). Even though she hasn’t hit double digits yet, she is undoubtedly a tween.

Our similarities started off as a cute thing, with my little girl following in her mother’s footsteps. She loves purple, the same color I wore from head to toe as a child. She has a made-up name, Colette; I wanted to be called Lisa Bingo. Her favorite number is three, as was mine.

From a young age, my daughter has always been determined, tough and fearless. She relishes performing in front of an audience and loves adventure and independence. She dreams big — just like mama.

But as she gets older, she is picking up other traits, including my idiosyncrasies, temperament and knack for pushing her mother’s buttons with an impeccable sense of timing.

“When I grow up, I’m gonna write my own column about you for payback,” she says.

It’s funny how our past transgressions come back to haunt us in the form of little children who are exactly like us.

I gave my mother the biggest headache growing up, always wanting to do the opposite of what she advised, thinking I knew better than her. I thought I was so smart, but come to find out, I was just a smart mouth.

You would think that would give me insight into relations with my daughter but now that I’m on the other end, I fear for the future as I remember my relentless teenage years — when the self-indulgence, disrespect and defiance only got worse.

Trying to get my daughter out of the house in the morning or to complete homework or chores before she “feels like it” is torturous. It was a daily struggle for my mom to get me to fulfill basic responsibilities when I was that age, too.

Whether it’s “get to bed,” “brush your teeth” or “do your homework,” her answer is always, “Wait!”

Now that I’m getting a taste of what my mother had to endure, she has little sympathy for me. She smirkingly reminds me, “She’s just like you.” Then she tells me if I don’t “nip it in the bud,” I’ll be doomed in a few short years.

In January, researchers at the University of California at San Francisco found evidence that the brain’s system that regulates emotion is more likely to be passed from mother to daughter than from mother to son or father to child. But knowing that science backs up my plight does no good.

I can only hope to live by example and curb my daughter’s behavior before she becomes a full-fledged teenager, fueled by emotions and hormones — to try to teach her to follow the rules, to think about others before herself and most importantly, to listen to her mother!

Or else, as my mom says, “It’s payback time.”

“She Speaks” is a weekly column by women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Kristen Consillio at kconsillio@staradvertiser.com