Not all chicken nuggets created equal

What processed snacks do you secretly (or openly) love? We’ve started asking that question of some of our favorite chefs, and the answers are all pretty amazing.

Inspired by some of these conversations, we’ve launched Snacks of Shame, a series in which chefs visit the Chicago Tribune test kitchen to sample the snacks they crave. For our first round, chef Stephanie Izard (Girl and the Goat, Little Goat Diner, Duck Duck Goat) joined us to try frozen chicken nuggets.

Nuggets “are a household favorite snack,” Izard said. “My husband loves chicken — he’s a pizza and chicken finger guy. Sometimes I’ll bring him some home from (Little Goat), but other times I’ll just grab a bag of frozen ones to try.”

Izard didn’t go into our tasting with any favorites, however.

“I always just look at the picture when I buy them” and don’t pay attention to the brand, she said. She also requested that we include dinosaur-shaped nuggets, telling us, “I’ve never had dinosaur chicken nuggets, and I feel like it’s one of those things that everyone else has had.”

Our criteria were simple: We looked for something with a good crunch-to-chicken ratio, with an eye out for actual chicken (as opposed to mystery meat) flavor and texture. Other points we critiqued included the smell, moisture and seasoning. Each nugget tasted was cooked according to its package instructions.

To be clear, none of these was stellar: Most brands averaged 4 and 5 points on a scale of 1 to 9, with a few higher-rated favorites among individual tasters. We understand this was a tiny sample size, limited to the stock on hand in popular grocery stores.

4. (TIE) BELL & EVANS BREADED CHICKEN BREAT NUGGETS ($9)

This pale, egg-shaped nugget looked like flaky white chicken rather than ground mystery meat, but it wasn’t crisp. It was also dry.

“It’s like the Sahara Desert up in here,” wrote one taster.

4. (TIE) TYSON

That “traditional nugget” shape we’re all somehow accustomed to was bland with a soggy breading.

3. MARKET PANTRY DINOSAUR-SHAPED CHICKEN NUGGETS ($4)

Deep brown in color, this Target private label nugget burned on one side, which may have dried it out.

Good crunch but dry, crumbly and minimal chicken flavor.

2. (TIE) EARTH’S BEST KIDZ BAKED CHICKEN NUGGETS ($5)

Even though this had a decent crunch, the meat was dry — though “not as dire of a situation as some of the others.” It also had an unwelcome “sweet aftertaste,” according to one taster.

2. (TIE) TYSON DINOSAUR-SHAPED CHICKEN NUGGETS ($4.50)

A solid crunch and moistness caused one taster to proclaim these the right nuggets to eat after a night out drinking. The color was even, if pale, with onion and garlic powder scent, but beware of spongy meat — “loved the texture but not the unexpected taste,” another taster wrote.

1. MARKET PANTRY

Except for being a touch salty, these Target nuggets were nearly perfect, with a peppery smell, crisp exterior and meat that looked and tasted like chicken.

But one taster didn’t like the color: “Too unnaturally tan — orange and bright. The Donald Trump of nugs?”