Reunion has father counting his blessings

For years, Paul Waller would sit through his church’s Father’s Day service and feel a kind of ache watching children honor their dads, seeing fatherhood celebrated.

And then his daughter found him, and his life changed.

“I thank God every day. Many times a day. All day long,” Waller said.

It started with a message on Facebook, a query from a 46-year-old woman named Tessie who said his name was on her birth certificate. Could he be her father? The two compared stories.

Waller, 67, originally from Illinois, served in the Navy during the Vietnam War and was stationed in the Philippines. Tessie was born in the Philippines during the time Waller was there. He remembered Tessie’s mother, knew she said he was her baby’s father, but says he didn’t believe her. He met the baby girl, has a photo of that meeting, but was soon shipped out to Hawaii, where he ended up making his home after getting out of the service.

“I knew of a child,” he said. “I always wondered.”

Tessie’s mother later married a U.S. Marine, who brought them to North Carolina, where Tessie grew up and now lives with her husband and four children.

After that initial message on Facebook last August, the two started communicating right away. Waller looked at Tessie’s Facebook photos, saw his own face in her features.

“We talked on the phone every day. Sometimes Facetime. She sent me pictures, like, ‘This is me at this age, and that age.’ Five and 6 years old. My heart was overjoyed,” Waller said.

They decided to take DNA tests to make sure. They did the procedure together over Facetime, swabbing the inside of their cheeks before mailing off the samples for analysis. “You don’t trust me?” Waller joked.

“This is something I want us to do together,” Tessie told him.

The results came in October on Waller’s birthday. “My heart was going pow-pow-pow in my chest. I’m thinking, ‘Don’t tell me I’m not your daddy now!’ She gave me the link to view the results and I went on to see it myself.”

He was her father.

In February, they met in San Diego and spent four days together just getting to know each other. For Waller, who is not married, it has been the greatest joy of his life, though it hasn’t been easy. Tessie is guarded. She’s not ready to tell her side of the story, though she’s OK with Waller telling just about everyone he meets how blessed he is to have this second chance to know his child. “She has questions I don’t have answers to,” Waller said. Questions like why he didn’t accept that she was his baby, why he left her behind, why he never tried to find her.

“I can’t replace all the years. I can’t go back and apologize and ask her to forgive me,” Waller said. “I’m a Bible college graduate. I understand about father-power. I know what that means … a child needs to know that they’re loved.”

So much changed since he was a young sailor, reckless and far from home. Waller grew up, grew close to his church, became a believer. When Tessie found him, he was ready to believe her. He knew he loved her even before the DNA results.

“Now if my phone rings and her name is on it, everything stops. Nothing matters after that,” he said. “Everything comes after her.”

It’s not an easy story to tell, but Waller wants people to know that forgiveness and reconciliation are worth the effort. “My heart is so tender and I have a story to tell. You never know who it will minister to and who it will heal.”

One of Tessie’s daughters called Waller recently to ask him about his feet. “Does your little toe not touch the ground?” she wanted to know. “Is the toe next to the big toe longer or shorter?” They compared feet on the phone and then she announced, “It’s Pa’s fault my feet are all jacked up!”

He loves being called Pa.

Today, Waller will again attend the Father’s Day service at his church, Word of Life in Honolulu. He chokes up just thinking about it. “This time, I get to stand with all the other fathers,” he said. “It’s my first time. I don’t know if she understands that she brought me that joy I longed for all those years.”