Students learn compassion and courage in Sandy Hook mom’s program

On a recent weekday morning, Kaelepulu Elementary School counselor Nicolle Grimes talked to a class of first-graders about courage and asked them to show her their brave pose.

Some flexed their arms, one put her hands on her hips and another crossed his arms like Superman.

The exploration of courage is part of the curriculum for the Choose Love Enrichment Program, founded by Scarlett Lewis after the death of her 6-year-old son, Jesse, at the Sandy Hook Elementary School mass shooting in Newtown, Conn., five years ago.

The social and emotional learning program for preschool through 12th grade is based on four character values: courage, gratitude, forgiveness and compassion in action. Through various lessons, students learn, for instance, how the brain functions neurologically when one is feeling angry or scared, and how to respond calmly.

Kaelepulu in Kailua was the pilot school last fall for the program, which is being rolled out at seven additional public schools across Oahu this year, according to Choose Love ambassador Kelley Oshiro.

“So we started it, and it did better than we could have hoped for,” said Oshiro.

Its arrival in Hawaii stemmed from Lewis’ meeting with President Barack Obama after the shooting, when she advocated for such a program. His sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, invited Lewis to speak at an informal gathering of educators in Honolulu, and the seeds were planted. Soetoro-Ng serves on the nonprofit’s advisory board.

While the program is free, an $87,000 grant from the Hawaii Community Foundation funds professional development for teachers, said Oshiro. Pre- and post-survey interviews with randomly selected students showed they grasped the concepts and exhibited growing rates of social responsibility, she said.

They talk about choosing forgiveness over revenge, and being an “up-stander,” someone who stands up for another person who is being bullied. Teachers also reported improvement in student attitudes and overall behavior.

Lincoln Elementary in Makiki is adopting the program this year, as are Kanoelani in Waipahu, Blanche Pope in Waimanalao, Aliiolani in Kaimuki and Palolo, Kaewai and Kalihi elementary schools.

Lewis visited Kaelepulu several times last year, and is expected to return Oct. 25 to visit more schools and attend a conference.

Aliiolani Elementary School Principal Joseph Passantino said implementing a free, social emotional learning curriculum was a no-brainer. Lewis’ story is inspiring, he said, and her philosophy ties in directly with his school’s mission of teaching the whole child.

“We’ll always teach math, reading, social studies and science,” he said, “but if we can teach kids to be contributing members of society and how to do the right thing, that’s just so much more powerful.”

Jesse Lewis was slain in his first-grade classroom at Sandy Hook in December 2012, along with 19 classmates and six educators.

A few days after his death, Lewis discovered Jesse had scrawled three words — “Nurturing, Healing, Love” — on the kitchen chalkboard, which became the cornerstone of her program, developed in consultation with education specialists. The program is now in 47 states, including Hawaii.

Sara Wong, a, third-grade teacher at Kaelepulu, said she has seen the positive effects in her classroom. She has seen students with a disagreement on the playground stop, talk and work it out.

One student found the courage to tell her what was going on at home. Personally, she found the lesson on forgiveness the most powerful, and a reminder of how holding anger inside is unhealthy.

“You can see its impact on your own life, which makes it more meaningful,” she said.

Another technique school counselor Grimes uses to help students find courage is the “brave breath,” which is done with one hand over the heart and the other over the stomach. “Whenever a child’s starting to melt down, I say, ‘OK, go into brave breath,’ and they know what to do,” she said.

Students practice it after recess to calm down and sometimes before taking tests.

The Choose Love philosophy becomes part of the school culture, according to Grimes, who considers the curriculum “life skills they can carry throughout their life.” To practice compassion in action, students last year raised nearly $1,500 in a GoFundMe campaign for Children of Peace Uganda. This year they are holding a donation drive for Family Promise of Hawaii.

Lewis said the program’s focus is on the proactive prevention of many issues kids face today, whether it be bullying, drug abuse or suicide. She is convinced it would have prevented the tragedy that killed her son.

“If you give kids the tools and skills and attitudes that they need to be resilient and to have positive and healthy relationships, they will not want to act out,” she said. “Social emotional learning is the most proactive and preventative mental health initiative that we have.”

On a personal level, she has forgiven Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza because “he never got the help he needed.” Some schools share her personal story, but they are not required to. Many students know it.

“You can’t always choose what happens to you,” she said, “but you can always choose how you respond and you can always respond in love.”