Re-teaching masculinity for a safer world

In a recent op-ed in The New York Times, Michael Ian Black addressed a glaring commonality among all mass shooting incidents, a fact so banal, so obvious, that it is rarely pointed out: The shooters are always male. Latent male violence is such an entrenched feature of the history of our species that it feels immutable, not worth even attempting to overcome.

And yet, even as wrenching examples of our basest human impulses glare out from the headlines, we must believe in our capacity to do better as a nation, as a culture, and as a species. We must reform our collective concept of masculinity by educating boys in a way that promotes social compassion and emotional well-being.

As passionate as I am about banishing the weapons of mass murder that have infested our country over the past few decades, I believe it’s equally important that the violent potential of young men be actively dealt with in our schools, where boys have the greatest potential to develop a healthy concept of masculinity, to learn to face their emotions, and to practice communicating with others.

The “mental health” approach cannot be limited to diagnosing, medicating and sequestering individuals deemed threatening, like the troubled architect of the Feb. 14 massacre at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. The noxious tentacles of a culture that conflates destruction with manliness suffocate us all. When little boys are told not to cry, that compassion and self-doubt are weaknesses, and that strength means vanquishing an opponent, we all suffer the consequences.

One of the greatest strengths of the school where I teach is its Psychosocial Education program, which makes emotional learning and positive communication a centerpiece of the curriculum. In one deceptively simple exercise, students take turns sharing a personal struggle with a classmate, and then listening while the other person does the same.

The object is not to judge or even to mobilize to find a solution, but to really hear what the other person is saying, to repeat back their message, to affirm their voice and their feelings. As a culture, we don’t think of listening and sharing as skills that require practice, but they are … and if left neglected, they wither, leaving a void filled by less evolved human tendencies.

In schools, often the onus of social-emotional guidance is placed on the individual teacher: in addition to the instructional and administrative duties that fill up her schedule, she is expected to identify, nurture, and sometimes seek counseling for troubled students. Many teachers relish the practice of administering such guidance — it may be what first drew them to the profession. But as a society, we need to go further by building such learning into the curriculum of every student, and not just in the elementary years, but in middle school, high school and beyond.

There is no silver bullet, so to speak, for the epidemic of gun violence in America; it must be faced on several fronts. Creators of movies, TV shows, books, video games and advertisements should be held accountable for disseminating toxic representations of so-called masculinity, just as they have begun being taken to task for condoning sexual assault in their ranks.

We most certainly must continue fighting for better gun control — the ease with which anyone can obtain a tool of mass murder in America is absolutely appalling. But while that stalemate wages on, perhaps we can all agree to take action closer to home by prioritizing social and emotional learning in our schools.

The very lives of our children depend on it.

April Hail, a teacher at Punahou School, is the founder of Babylove Ambassadors, a community organization connecting babies and the elderly.