I lay in bed, taking deep, calming breaths to ease my frustration and tears.

It was an especially trying day, the kind other mothers can relate to: The house was messy, dinner was late and the kids were not on their best behavior. So Mommy Monster (as she’s known in our home) emerged from her cave barking and growling, and it made me feel terrible. As much as my three daughters dislike her, I hate her the most.

After dinner, feeling defeated and exhausted, I finally broke down. I went straight to our bedroom, closed the door, collapsed onto our bed and cried.

This doesn’t happen often to me. I can’t even recall the last time I cried like that. But it was just one of those overwhelming days when it seemed like from the moment I woke up, one thing after another made me doubt my maternal capabilities.

After about 15 minutes in our room, I walked out and my girls, seeing my puffy eyes and red nose, knew enough to be gentle with me.

“I love you, Mommy,” my littlest said in her sweetest voice.

“I love you, too,” I replied, feeling much better.

I’ve been a mommy now for more than a decade. I realized early on that motherhood and perfection are an impossible combination. Despite that knowledge, feelings of failure, guilt and hopelessness are inevitable. But these feelings are almost necessary, I’ve learned, because they make us strive to be better parents.

So sometimes we just need a good, cleansing cry to get all that doubt and negativity out of our system. Maybe an extra long shower, retail therapy, a pint of ice cream, a spa day or drinkies with the besties could help, too. Or better yet, all of the above, and best yet, all in one day.

Other times, all it takes are little kiddie kisses all over your face or a reassuring hug from your hubby to make all the despair disappear. The simplest words — “You are doing great, honey” or “Can I help you, Mommy?” and best of all, “Thank you for everything” — can do wonders for a mother’s heart. (Please take notes, dads and kids.)

And of course you have a day like today, Mother’s Day, to help you remember it really is worth it all, good and bad. Take full advantage of this once-a-year celebration (when the entire country is honoring you!) and welcome all the attention from your loved ones.

Let them “surprise” you with sweet home-cooked meals and handmade presents.

Let them revitalize your soul with their praise and positive energy.

Let them remind you that despite all the frustration and tears, in the end it’s that kind of love and appreciation that makes motherhood the greatest gift.

“She Speaks” is a weekly column by the women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@staradvertiser.com.