Lee Cataluna: If you don’t buy water you don’t need to return it

Now that the panic has drained away and we’re back to the normal grind of just trying to eke out a living in these gorgeous, overcrowded, expensive islands, can we take a moment to talk about the bottled water thing?

Because the bottled water thing has gotten nuts, you guys. Total panicky, reactionary, not-really-thinking-things-out craziness.

First, the idea of buying water when we have perfectly good water flowing out of taps in our homes is pretty suspect on any day of the week, not just storm-prep madness. But then thinking that bottled water is somehow a storm-survival essential is another big leap. Water is certainly essential, but you can save money by saving your own water from the tap. Still, the biggest leap of all is thinking that it’s OK to return bottles of water to the store when our luck holds out and the hurricane veers or dissipates. Yikes. These must be the same folks who tucked the tags and returned the evening gown the Monday after prom, yeah? Super obvious.

When a storm is headed our way — and we all know that it will happen again and again — there is nothing particularly special about bottled water that makes it better than the water that already comes out of your kitchen faucet except that maybe it’s in a convenient bottle. But there’s no need to go charging to the store like a pillaging pirate and buy out every bottle you can grab. If you wash out and save some plastic juice bottles, Hydro Flasks, Costco­-sized shoyu containers and whatnot, you can just fill them up in your faucet and store them in the hall or under the bed or where ever you have space. Yes, bottled water comes with an expiration date and can have a shelf life of, like, two years, but two years after a hurricane, even if you lost everything in the storm, you should be able to find a source of drinking water.

You know why stores changed, or in some cases asserted, the no-return policy, right?

Because plenty people on Oahu and Kauai bought pallets of bottled water four years ago when Iselle was heading our way and then, just hours after the National Weather Service declared an all-clear, all that water came back. Along with canned goods, gas generators, tarps, fruit leather and so forth.

Would you buy used water? Would you serve it to your kids? Here, baby, take a sip. It’s hot out there. Just try rinse the top off first. The person who bought this water bottle first must have had a dog in the house or something. A white dog. A fuzzy white dog. Whatever. Just close your eyes and drink.

Nope.

But the craziest thing of all is that the next time a storm is blowing our way, it will happen all over again and the folks that bought and then returned all that stuff will be out buying it all over again.

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.