No shortage of folly from false missile alert

Hawaii’s false nuclear missile scare last month remained hot in headlines around the world as we “flASHback” on February’s news that amused and confused:

>> A state report on the botched alert said it wasn’t Gov. David Ige’s job to issue a timely warning and notification. And he was outstanding in not doing that job.

>> The Ige administration wants to parlay the terrifying goof into potentially tens of millions in new spending on emergency management. The price of paradise is heavily weighted with the cost of stupidity.

>> The “button pusher” who sent out the bogus nuclear warning is contesting his dismissal and has an attorney angling for a payout. Hey, it worked for Louis Kealoha.

>> The attorney, Michael Green, said the emergency drill was run like a circus and “all that was missing were clowns and balloons.” There’s always a personal injury lawyer ready to supply those.

>> Hawaii residents awoke to the Saturday morning scare with less “blind panic” than disaster researchers expected. Who said hangovers serve no practical purpose?

>> Lt. Gov. Shan Tsutsui abruptly resigned to join a lobbying firm and help U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa in her campaign to unseat Ige, though he said he has no official role. After four years as L.G., he’s a master of no official role.

>> Former Attorney General Doug Chin became interim lieutenant governor while he runs for Congress, declaring that “public service is a privilege.” Not to mention a very nice paycheck to tide him over.

>> Kauai Mayor Bernard Carvalho Jr. joined the crowded race to permanently replace Tsutsui, saying, “I want to be the bridge. I want to be the voice. I want to be the action.” Tsutsui should tell him L.G. isn’t a video game.

>> Construction of a $54 million traffic management center for the state and city has been slowed by leaky roofs, substandard flooring, and faulty lobby walls and fire escapes. In other words, a typical Hawaii public works project.

>> The state Health Department recorded disgustingly high levels of fecal bacteria at Hanauma Bay. Snorkelers were warned, “Don’t feed the blind mullets.”

>> The Honolulu Climate Change Commission convened, joining the city Office of Climate Change and the state Climate Change Mitigation and Adaptation Commission. How many public officials does it take to screw in a light bulb? Nobody knows; they’ve never screwed one in straight.

>> A skunk with its head stuck in a yogurt cup was found running around Honolulu Harbor. Authorities put him in quarantine until they could determine if he had rabies and which district he represented in the Legislature.

And the quote of the month … from Mayor Kirk Caldwell, praising Ige’s support for more rail taxes: “Most elected officials don’t want to touch rail … they want to run and blame.” Only in politics can you be $5 billion in the hole and blameless.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.