Carol Dweck, a Stanford University professor and author of "Mindset, The New Psychology of Success," made an interesting discovery while watching young children attempt to solve puzzles such as the Rubik’s Cube. Some youngsters tried for a short while, became frustrated and gave up while others seemed to delight in the challenge.

Over time, Dweck developed the theory of "fixed" versus "growth" mindset, stating that those who spend time developing their "growth" mindset have a much greater probability of leading more self-actualized and happy lives.

In the Sept. 18 Education magazine, Paul Tough provided a provocative argument on "why our kids’ success may depend less on perfect performance than on learning how to deal with failure." Tough told the story of how educators from a diverse group of schools found that many of their graduates were not succeeding in the way they expected. They discovered that the missing ingredients in the curriculum were in the area of "performance character."

Wendy Mogel, author of "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee," echoes this same refrain. She states, "We’re afraid to let teenagers take risks. … In general, we overprotect them, we overindulge them, we expect them to be good in everything and we neglect teaching them to honor adults."

I have been a teacher, coach and administrator in both public and private schools for 37 years. I have seen education and curriculum reform in its many colors and flavors, and applaud the progress that is being made on this front. However, over the years, I have discovered that at its core, education is about forming relationships — and the most important relationship is the student’s relationship with himself.

It is imperative that schools and families partner to help students develop that necessary self-awareness of their own capability, built on grit, determination and perseverance. Unfortunately, too often we do the opposite. In our attempt to protect and nurture children, we tend to try to smooth out all the bumps and twists in the road, protecting them from that skinned knee.

At these moments, teachers might give in and accept student work that is not the best work, or, even worse, make the child feel incapable of better work. Parents may be tempted to shift the responsibility for their child’s frustration. Instead, I suggest that we lovingly but insistently encourage students to try again to reach for their best.

What would happen if the child were able to see a "failure" as just another learning step? What if, in education, each unsuccessful attempt to "solve the Rubik’s Cube" is seen as another learned clue that will lead to the ultimate goal?

It is imperative that parents and educators become partners in helping children turn their focus inward by kindly but insistently helping the child recognize that his growth mindset determines ultimate happiness and success.

To achieve this in a school setting, lessons will need to be carefully crafted and carried out, with performance character rubrics and assessments having the same importance as content. Now roadblocks are just an opportunity for exploring new routes. By focusing on specific habits, mindsets and skills that are then practiced and reinforced both at school and at home, the child grows.

At the Academy of the Pacific, one of a few schools in Hawaii designated a "school of the future," we are committed to aligning our curriculum with the 21st Century Schools of the Future concepts. When we couple this with helping our students develop growth mindset and performance character, then we will be fulfilling our motto of being a small school with a big impact.