All must help stop domestic violence

The country is reeling from seeing the video of NFL player Ray Rice inflicting violence on his then-fiancee.

But do people realize that horrific violence goes on daily in our community on Maui and in Hawaii and across the United States?

Today, we have the opportunity to end domestic violence in our lifetime.

We had one domestic violence-related murder on Molokai last year, and one murder on Maui where the former boyfriend has been charged. One woman is still missing and no charges have been filed.

These murders, though shocking, do not tell the full story about all the victims/survivors who face threats of violence and experience physical, emotional and sexual violence on a daily basis.

The Maui Family Peace Center of Parents And Children Together has been working closely with community organizations through the Maui County Domestic Violence Task Force, medical centers and the police and prosecutors to end intimate-partner violence against women and men since 1994.

This year, our Puuhonua (place of refuge) unit provided support for more than 300 survivors who filed and received TROs (temporary restraining orders) to help protect themselves and their children.

We also provided group intervention in our Kuleana (responsibility) unit to over 400 offenders to increase their accountability and change their behavior.

We encourage men and women to understand that abuse and assault of loved ones is not a private matter and needs to come into the arena of community health and to criminal justice.

The immediate costs to the victims are immense. The psychological and physical damage also affects the children who witness the violence — whether it’s a one-time event or a daily occurrence. Studies indicate that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence each year.

The secondary costs to the community include medical, employment interruption and all too often, loss of employment. These and other issues amount to millions of dollars. In fact, 1 in 3 women in the U.S. will be a victim of violent crime in her lifetime.

Although many of us were taught to fear strangers, the victimization most often occurs in the home. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women — more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined. Unlike the Rice assault, most of these events occur with no surveillance cameras, so the community is unaware and does not understand the impact.

With legislation over the past four decades and protective services and abuse prevention campaigns, much has changed. We now need men to stand up and talk to other men about stopping domestic violence. The NFL has an opportunity here to make a clear and highly visible statement. It is time for a systemic approach that takes on the challenge to end domestic violence in all professional sports and all institutions. A simple first step for the NFL would be to "go purple," by recognizing October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month to highlight its commitment and raise awareness.

We must help survivors realize: "It’s not your fault."

Between 55-95 percent of women physically abused by their partners never contact anyone for help. Many survivors fear they will be blamed for the abuse or think that the system will not support them.

The current police response to the recent video of a Honolulu Police Department sergeant physically attacking his partner in her workplace is one example of the fear victim/survivors conceal due to the lack of consequences for the perpetrator.

We must, as a community, stand together to end acceptance of any kind of violence and say: We will not tolerate this behavior.