‘New day,’ new bills mostly promise new headaches

The Legislature is going home, but the next act in Gov. Neil Abercrombie’s political saga is just getting started as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» The 2013 Legislature passed a $23.8 billion biennial budget and called it quits after a final burst of drama over much-derided "gut-and-replace" measures and "Frankenbills." We have the only state Capitol that goes bump in the night.

» After approving generous pay raises for themselves, state administrators, judges and unionized public workers, legislators failed to pass a promised hike in the state’s $7.25-an-hour minimum wage. It set the theme for this year’s Legislature: Let them eat our shorts.

» Lawmakers provided Hawaii taxpayers little relief, but took care of Hollywood moguls by increasing the already munificent 15 percent film tax credit to 20 percent on Oahu and 25 percent on the neighbor islands. Lights, camera, campaign donations.

» The so-called "bird poop bill" to regulate the feeding of wild birds on private property died when House and Senate negotiators couldn’t agree on its wording. It was only a matter of time before our legislators made it official that they can’tget their poop together.

» Abercrombie formally launched his 2014 campaign for re-election, saying he wants a second term as governor so he can build on his accomplishments. It was a long speech, but it can be summarized as a simple mathematical formula: 2 x 0 = 0.

» The governor took credit for Hawaii’s improving economy and repeatedly trumpeted his largely unfulfilled "New Day" agenda. With no major announced opposition, his only competition is seeing if he can say "new day" more often than Guy Hagi says "severe weather."

» State GOP Chairman David Chang admitted his party hasn’t found a serious candidate for governor, lamenting that "our bench isn’t as deep as we’d like." For the sinking local GOP, "bench" is a bit of an overstatement; it’s more like the stool where the kid in the dunce cap sits.

» Abercrombie and Honolulu Mayor Kirk Caldwell agreed to tear down the crumbling Waikiki War Memorial Natatorium and replace it with a public beach. The historic facade will be moved inland and recommissioned as a monument to 35 years of official incompetence.

» Protesters from (de)Occupy Honolulu moved to the Blaisdell Concert Hall after Caldwell displaced their tents blocking Thomas Square sidewalks by blocking the side­walkshimself with hibiscus planters. And so continues the battle of (nit)wits.

And the quote of the week … from Abercrombie in making the case for his re-election: "I promised energy and action as governor. That’s a promise I’m keeping. I believe there’s a new confidence in the air to accompany Hawaii’s new day." I had no idea that confidence smelled like cow pies.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.