Politicians and Warriors navigate tangled roads

The boundaries are drawn, the polls are in and we’re off to the 2012 political races as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» The Reapportionment Commission issued new district maps for the Legislature that would force six sets of incumbents to face off in House and Senate races. Campaign donors must decide whether to buy the field or risk rolling craps.

» A new Hawaii Poll showed Mazie Hirono with a big lead for the U.S. Senate against either her Demo­cratic primary opponent Ed Case or Republican Linda Lingle. Hirono is the "Seinfeld" of local politics — a show about nothing that keeps topping the ratings.

» Mufi Hannemann had a commanding lead for Hirono’s seat in the 2nd Congressional District. Hawaii politics is like a game show. You get creamed for governor and the lovely parting prize is a gift-wrapped seat in Congress.

» Forty percent of voters said they never heard of Hannemann’s closest rival, Tulsi Gabbard. Her problem is she’s peaking too early. Our delegates usually don’t become invisible until after they get in Congress.

» Mayor Peter Carlisle shook off poor poll numbers in his re-election bid by heading to the Philippines for his fifth junket to Asia and 12th official trip out of state in his abbreviated term. He must have a plan to stuff the ballot boxes with frequent-flier points.

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie’s job approval rating was a dismal 39 percent, with even his core supporters unhappy about his performance. Well, he kept his promise to unite us.

» A woman sued a Kaneohe pet store, alleging that a groomer cut off part of her dog’s ear and tried to glue it back on. Sounds like the same way the Department of Education is fixing its Race to the Top plan.

» The Hawaii State Teachers Association announced it’ll restart negotiations with the state on its stalled contract and also resume its complaint with the state labor board. It’s like an old TV drama coming out of hiatus to go into reruns.

» The University of Hawaii was merged into a 16-member football "super conference" that stretches all the way to the East Coast. The Warriors will be the first squad to have to fly the polar route to road games.

And the quote of the week … from President Barack Obama on political humor: "One of the things that makes America special is that in most countries you don’t have the sort of comedy and satire about people in power that we do here. I don’t know if any of this stuff affects an election, but I know it makes our country stronger that you can make fun of the president or anybody and everybody can get a laugh."

So there.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.