The political silly season is hitting full stride as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» In their first live televised debate, mayoral candidates Peter Carlisle and Kirk Caldwell argued about who could build rail better, while anti-rail contender Ben Cayetano smiled more than usual. These politicians make you nostalgic for the days when robber barons built the railroads.
» All three candidates ducked the question of where they’d put Oahu’s next landfill, professing belief that technology will end the need for garbage dumps. Unfortunately, the only technology that is sure to work is nuclear annihilation.
» Hawaii News Now enlightened debate viewers that the odds of having three candidates whose last names all begin with "Ca" are 1 in 200 million. To simplify the math, when the field is cut to two for the general election, we’ll be done with Ca-Ca-Ca and back to the usual caca.
» Ed Case said that trying to find the record and accomplishments of his U.S. Senate opponent Mazie Hirono "is like sticking your hand in warm Jell-O — there’s just nothing there." Hirono couldn’t believe her ears. Nobody ever accused her of being warm before.
» Case released a new internal campaign poll that, contrary to most other surveys, shows him running ahead of Hirono among likely Democratic primary voters. The margin of error is plus or minus three magic wishes.
» After Democratic U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa ripped House Republicans for dragging unrelated gay and immigration issues into the Violence Against Women Act, local Democratic spokesman Chuck Freedman dragged abortion and Social Security into GOP comments about the Akaka Bill. Politics is the art of misleading by example.
» Democrats backed off a plan to charge candidates $500 per minute to address the party’s state convention. Good move. That would have been like charging chickens to lay eggs.
» Three federal judges rejected a reapportionment challenge that could have delayed Hawaii’s 2012 election, saying they refused to get involved in "spawning chaos rather than confidence in the election process." That’s the candidates’ job.
» The Hawaii Supreme Court overturned a manslaughter conviction because the prosecutor in the case told the jury to ignore the judge’s "mumbo jumbo." The short version of the justices’ 86-page majority ruling: "Dude, you hit us where we live." The rest was mumbo jumbo.
And the quote of the week … from Ben Cayetano, in a debate slip when asked who he’d vote for if the U.S. Senate race comes down to his former lieutenant governor, Hirono, or Republican Linda Lingle: "Are you kidding? I’ll vote for Lin … uh, Mazie Hirono." He hasn’t deflated Hirono’s morale that badly since he sang karaoke at her headquarters the night she lost to Lingle for governor.
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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.
