‘Corpse flower,’ Legislature giving off a similar stink

The air was nasty and cosmic catastrophe loomed as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» Visitors descended on Foster Botanical Gardens to sniff the foul bloom of the Amorpho­phallus titanum — also known as "big stinky" or the "corpse flower." It was a perfect chance for political junkies to wean themselves off the Legislature.

» State Rep. K. Mark Takai said a bill passed by the Legislature requiring human resources companies to get a $500,000 bond "is like putting an atomic bomb on a problem that probably doesn’t even exist." In other words, a typical law enacted by the Hawaii Legislature.

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie had a $12,482 dog exercise run installed at the governor’s residence. I didn’t realize he’d switched from weightlifting to aerobics.

» Hawaii public school teachers began a new vote on a labor contract they rejected once already and which the state says is no longer on the table. For their next exercise in futility, they’ll revote on whether George W. Bush or Al Gore should be president.

» NASA said 4,700 asteroids are close enough to Earth, and big enough, to pose a threat of collision over the next million years. At least there’s an end in sight to the teachers’ contract theatrics.

» The University of Hawaii hired Tom Apple to replace Virginia Hinshaw as Manoa chancellor for $102,000 more than the $337,000 Hin­shaw was making, and Hinshaw gets a $287,000 sabbatical and then a $292,000 faculty job. We’ve got a Ford Pinto university on a Cadillac budget.

» Hawaii’s elderly population grew three times faster than the rest of our citizenry last year, according to U.S. Census data. We may be short of doctors and highly qualified teachers, but we’re assured a steady supply of U.S. Senate candidates.

» Mazie Hirono bulked up her Senate campaign by adding Carolyn Tanaka to a powerhouse public relations crew that already included Elisa Yadao. It takes one publicist to screw in the light bulb and another to keep voters in the dark.

» Republican Senate candidate Linda Lingle urged delegates at the state GOP convention to embrace a bipartisan theme. The way she tiptoes between moderates and conservatives, she might have better luck with bipolar.

» The Hono­lulu Fire Fighters Association endorsed Kirk Caldwell for mayor, while the Fire Department Retirees Association backed Ben Caye­tano. Peter Carlisle would be grateful to find a fireman who would pee on him if he was ablaze.

And the quote of the week … from John Martinez of Mililani, who returned to the "corpse flower" for a second and third whiff: "It’s one of those things. You’ve got to keep sticking your nose in there, it smells so bad." He sounds like a voter in power training for the 2012 election.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.