Quiet start by legislators gave way to election noise

It’s the last weekend of 2012, so let’s review the year "flASHback" style:

» With afragileeconomy and voters edgy, the Legislature opened its 2012 session with little fanfare. The James Gang liked to slip into town quietly, too.

» Lawmakers sought to make it a crime to disrespect a house of the Legislature. Those lacking the sense to disrespect both houses of the Legislature deserve to be punished.

» A bill to designate an official state microbe failed. Lawmakers couldn’t agree on whether the honor should go to a House member or senator.

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie admitted his first year was rocky, but insisted he accomplished his purpose. You can’t argue if his purpose was comedy.

» Democrats swept Hawaii elections with a massive get-out-the-vote campaign. They needed it to offset the Office of Elections’ send-the-vote-home campaign.

» A Disney ocean liner visited with a crew including Captain Jack Sparrow and Captain Hook. The ship’s skipper must have felt like Peter Carlisle steering the city with Kirk Caldwell and Ben Cayetano as back-seat drivers.

» Hawaii News Now reported the odds of all three mayoral hopefuls having names starting with "Ca" were 1 in 200 million. When the field was cut for the general election, we were done with Ca-Ca-Ca and back to the usual caca.

» Ed Case said looking for the accomplishments of his U.S. Senate opponent Mazie Hirono was "like sticking your hand in warm Jell-O." Hirono couldn’t believe her ears. Nobody ever accused her of being warm before.

» GOP Senate candidate Linda Lingle ran as a bipartisan. The way she tiptoed between moderates and conservatives, she might have had better luck with bipolar.

» The Department of Education cut student bus service while cracking down on absenteeism. That’s the genius of government: It can work on creating problems and solving them at the same time.

» A bogus Stevie Wonder concert for University of Hawaii sports was canceled and $200,000 disappeared after Wonder called to say he knew nothing of the event. If only he’d just called to say he loves us.

» Top politicians lobbied UH to save athletic director Jim Donovan’s job. If carelessness with public money becomes a firing offense, who knows who could be next?

» A judge called Kauai attorney Lawrence McCreery, 64, "a dirty old man" and fined him $250 for licking a 21-year-oldclient’s ear. As if we needed another reason for lawyers to curb their tongues.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.