Budget is so bad, Abercrombie demands an election recount

Sen. Donna Mercado Kim's dubious assertion that the public doesn't understand how dire the state budget is inspired much creativity from "flASHback" readers, with more than 200 entries to our "How dire is the budget?" joke-writing contest.

The writers of the five that I (purely subjectively) found funniest will get $20 Starbucks cards, as promised, and I'll share as many runners-up as I can fit. Reading your work was the highlight of my week and I wish I could recognize each of you. (Don't let your heads get too swelled. Your only competition for my week's highlight was a colonoscopy.)

So how dire is the state budget? It's so dire that:

» The late Chuck Leahey would say that we're a million manapuas before the next first down! — Dave Masunaga

» The governor's mansion is now listed under Bed & Breakfast in the AAA travelguide for Hawaii. — Diane Tippett

» Kids from Ethiopia are sending us a dollar a day. — Henry Konno

» The state brought in a ringer to enter this contest. Hey! $20 is $20. — Ian Fleet

» The Guv is asking for a vote recount to see if Duke Aiona might have actually won. — Stephen Kealoha

Honorable mention:

» Prime Minister George Papandreou of Greece tweeted:"Finally some good news.At least we aren't Hawaii." — Henry Richardson

» The people of Sendai are organizing a "Kokua for Hawaii" fundraiser. — Mark Felman

» California looked at us and said, "I look like you, you look like me." — Linda West

» My second and third wives want me back. — Camm Willener

» The homeless will soon be considered as the middle class. — Gerald Sumida

» The music at the Legislature's opening was Brahms' "Requiem." — Tom Davis

» Neil Abercrombie plans to cut his beard to show he's serious about "trimming" the budget. — Elpidio Tablit Jr.

» The state is installing pay toilets in the Capitol. — J. Mitchell

» A legislative aide was seen actually BRINGING pens, paper and paper clips to the office. — Craig Kojima

» Abercrombie will auction off Barack Obama's birth certificate on eBay.— Nancy Hickman

» The governor has ordered that official banquets be catered by Meals on Wheels. — James Mak

» The rats and mosquitoes are doing a fundraiser for the Health Department's vector control unit. — David Ericson

» Rod Tam will get house arrest and have to buy his own food while serving time. — Wilma Hokama and Linda Chang

» To pursue happiness, you will have to pay a happiness tax. — Larry Potter

» Abercrombie look likes he's losing sleep over it (Not). — Mary Kobayashi

For our next joke competition, Gary Beck suggests, "Why not institute such a contest as a means of drafting future tax legislation?"

David Shapiro can be reached at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.