Thursday, November 26, 2015         


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Governor-elect offers glimpse of hope, change, employment

By Lee Cataluna


Gov.-elect Neil Abercrombie hasn't even had a chance to adjust the chair behind the big koa desk, and already he has been bombarded by people applying for jobs.

While it may be because so many people want to work on his team, the dismal economy certainly must be playing a role. Some people have been out of work for months. Others have been holding onto jobs they hate because you can't afford to be choosy during a recession. Some are making do with part-time work here, under-the-table there. It's rough.

When you go online to Abercrombie's website,, there's a quick form to fill out and a place where you can attach your resume electronically. The deadline for applications has passed (Nov. 15), but the site encourages people to apply until all positions are filled.

To make it even easier, here's a cover letter template. Tough times. State job. Go for it.

Dear Gov. Abercrombie,

You might not remember me, but I:

a) Tried to catch your cab back in 1979.
b) Showed finger at you when I was sign-waving for somebody else.
c) Took your wife's class at UH and got a D.
d) Partied with you and Barack Sr. back in the day.

I am writing to apply for a job:
a) In your cabinet.
b) In your close circle of advisers.
c) As a department head.
d) Shoots, anywhere, braddah. I gotta work.

Things have been tough for me and my family ever since I lost my job when:
a) Aloha Airlines shut down.
b) The Superferry shut down.
c) The Honolulu Advertiser shut down.
d) I lost my bid for lieutenant governor.

I have heard your message of hope and change, and I believe that:
a) You can't be as bad as the last one.
b) You at least have some rich friends in D.C.
c) Deep down, you're still a raving nut, and I love that.
d) I can nod my head and tell you yes, yes all day long because, dude, my unemployment is running out.

Like you, I believe Hawaii is a special place and that it's our job to:
a) Make it better for the keiki.
b) Make it better for the ohana.
c) Make it better for the tourists.
d) Build the Abercrombie Auditorium at UH.

And that's why, with my years of experience as a:
a) Baggage handler
b) City Council member
c) Symphony musician
d) KHNL anchor

I know I can contribute to your efforts:
a) To improve the economy because I promise I'll spend the money I make.
b) To improve education, because if I had a good job I wouldn't be spending from my kid's college fund.
c) To improve the health of Hawaii's people because, dang it, COBRA is expensive.
d) To malama the aina, because right now I'm not even watering my lawn because I can't pay the water bill.

P.S.: If all your positions are filled, could you forward this to Brian and tell him I'm cool? Mahalo!

Lee Cataluna can be reached at

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