Amid grief ‘there’s always hope’ in Prince Albert Circle

Taking care of her grandmother as she succumbed to cancer more than three decades ago inspired Leilani Kupahu-Marinoto learn how to help others cope with the process of dying and impacts linked to death.

Kupahu-Marino became a nurse and has worked extensively with hospice patients, from seniors to newborns with fatal complications.

"I have been taught many things through grieving," said Kupahu-Marino, most of all "to hope, and there’s always hope that you can make things good for the family."

Imparting comfort and hope is the basis of Kupahu-Marino’s new organization, Prince Albert Circle, an alliance of four nonprofit groups which offers hospice, palliative and bereavement care for "keiki to kupuna" (young to old) contending with a death as well as major upheavals in life.

Kupahu-Marino introduced Prince Albert Circle at the Cathedral of St. Andrew on Tuesday, choosing the date because it coincided with the 156th birthday of Hawaii’s Prince Albert, who died of a sudden illness at age 4 in 1862. In honor of Albert, she said, the gathering focused on the group’s services associated with newborns, children and their families.

Kupahu-Marino, a kumu hula, also sang Hawaiian lamentation chants written by Queen Emma and dedicated to Albert, who was her only child, and husband Kame­ha­meha IV, who died a year after the boy.

The cathedral’s ‘Iolani Guild is sponsoring the organization as part of its Harmony, Health and Wellness program, which meets every Monday from 3:30 to 5:30 p.m. in Davies Hall on the downtown church campus.

Six years ago Kupahu-Marino formed Malama o na Keiki to help neonatal nurses care for medically fragile babies and support families once the babies are sent home. Prince Albert Circle will be partnering with the Malama organization as well as Jeannette Koi­jane, executive director of Kokua Mau; DianneFochtman, a nurse and pediatric manager of Hospice Hawaii; and MariaLaFond, founder of Perinatal Hospice of Hawai‘i.

LaFond, a registered nurse, said Prince Albert Circle will be "meeting a need in Hawaii that has not been addressed."

She formed the Perinatal Hospice of Hawai‘i late last year, offering support to mothers who receive a fatal diagnosis for their baby before or at birth as well as others affected by the loss of a baby. In 1992 LaFond’s daughter died one day after birth.

Also joining the alliance was Mary Jo Bennett, an independent perinatal bereavement counselor. She has participated in programs that nurture families contending with miscarriage or a fatal condition. One of them, "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep," involves putting together photographs of positive memories tied to a brief life.

Kupahu-Marino said maintaining hope in the face of tremendous grief was exemplified by Queen Emma. About a decade after losing her child and husband, the queen found new purpose in building St. Andrew’s Cathedral, St. Andrew’s Priory and her summer palace in Nuu­anu, she said.

"Allowing healthy grieving can lead one toward hope, purpose for life and leaving a legacy," she added. One of the organization’s goals is to use all aspects of Hawaiian culture to recognize "the spirit within each of us. … Healing begins with creating positive, loving moments which include laughter, tears, heartfelt uwe (or) cries of wailing, composing kani­kau (fond remembrances of one’s life)," as Queen Emma did.

Kupahu-Marino said, "Palliative care requires this spiritual level of comfort; often no words are needed, only the gentle touch and feel of spirits connecting — a Hawaiian way of healing."

For more information about the Prince Albert Circle alliance, contact Kupahu-Marino at 352-0013 or visit www.malama­ona­keiki.org.