This Pro Bowl draft is fit for fantasyland

Our resident draft guru Curtis Murayama and I could surely do as well as Jerry Rice and Deion Sanders at picking teams. Hey, we used to do this kind of stuff when they were rookies, not gray-bearded Hall of Famers and Pro Bowl alumni captains.

In the 1980s we drafted using these things called magazines, pencils and paper. That’s when Rice was an anomaly as a first-round pick as a wide receiver; he was always miles ahead of the next wideout in value.

But we’ve lost our touch. It took three coin tosses to get started. The first one stopped on edge. "Ironically, leaning against the trash can," Curtis said.

"No, that would be fittingly," corrected assistant editor and coin-tosser-in-chief Sjarif Goldstein.

You can see our teams below, but I’ll save you time: Curtis took all the thugs and I took all the goody-two-shoes. Curtis has hired detectives to keep his team off Keeaumoku Street. I’ve employed retired super-cop Manny Rezentes to check beds and make sure my guys aren’t in them too early.

Curtis somehow stole J.J. Watt, my second priority target, after I got Andrew Luck. When the Texans sack master said he figured Sanders would let him try again this year to catch a scoring pass, Prime Time — famous for his two-way performances — promised, "He WILL touch the ball."

Curtis says his fellow Oregon alums will win it for him: offensive lineman Kyle Long, and safeties T.J. Ward and Jairus Byrd. I’m not worried; their production will be negated by the guys who went to the same schools I did. There are no Hawaii or Northwestern alums in the Pro Bowl, you say? Yeah, I know that.

This is more troublesome: "I got a beast of a receiving corps — Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery, A.J. Green, Dez Bryant at wide receiver and Jimmy Graham and Jordan Cameron at tight end," Curtis says with Shermanesque humility. "All are big, mean and mean business."

Dalton Gauman, the Lenovo Fantasy Coach of the Year, was the draft advisor for Team Rice.

"I have to say I’m leaning toward Team Curtis as the slightly better team across the board," Gauman reports, after minutes of exhaustive analysis.

"I mean Drew Brees, Cam, and Philip, also Shady, Jamaal Charles and DeMarco. I would say that Team Dave has the advantage at linebacker and maybe defensive tackle. If I had to guess a score between the two teams I’d say Team Curtis takes it 38-27."

We included two wild-card picks apiece. That’s why Curtis has Long, in the hope he scores on a lateral like Cleveland center Alex Mack two years ago.

I used my wild cards on special teamer Matthew Slater — who will also end up catching passes and returning kicks — and Deion Sanders.

Neon Deion will kick the PAT after a Slater touchdown from Luck with three seconds left. … part of Roger Goodell’s plan to emphasize the farce of a 19-yard kick for a point.

Of course there’s a wager between Team Curtis and Team Dave (feel free to abbreviate that to TD). Since it’s a fantasy draft, we agreed the prize should be a fantasy draft: The Coldest Bud in Town, frosted glass, $1 at the Columbia Inn — which closed 13 years ago.

SCORING

OFFENSE
Passing yards: 25 yards per point (e.g. 100 yds is 4 points)
Passing TD: 4 points
Interceptions: -1
Rushing yards: 10 yards per point
Rushing TD: 6
Reception yards: 10 yards per point
Receiving TD: 6
Return TD: 6
FG: 0-39: 3 points
FG: 40-49: 4 points
FG: 50+: 5 points
PAT kick: 1 point
2-pt coversion: 2 points

DEFENSE
Solo tackle: 1
Assisted tackle: .75
Sack: 3
Interception: 3
Forced fumble: 2
Fumble recovery: 2
Defensive TD: 6
Safety: 2
Pass defended: 1
Blocked kick: 2

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Reach Dave Reardon at dreardon@staradvertiser.com or 529-4783. Read his blog at staradvertiser.com/quickreads.