POSTED: 1:30 a.m. HST, Nov 7, 2011
Never fear, University of Hawaii football fans. The Punahou Mafia is here.
The hui that saved Rainbow Warriors basketball by bringing you the son of a coach who failed miserably at UH is ready for more bold covert action.
Even Big Buff Barry arrives on the scene this week.
You didn't really think Air Force Pun is flying its primo passenger into town for silly meetings about how to fix the world economy, did you? That's just the cover.
Obama's here to quietly address important big-picture problems, like how to finally beat John Kamana in basketball ... and buying out Greg McMackin and replacing the beleaguered UH football coach and his staff with some competent winners, such as Kale Ane, Norm Chow and Duane Akina.
A million dollars and change to buy out a college football coach? A slam dunk for Punahou money and presidential power! If Obama can't raise the dough, Keith Amemiya can just hold a fundraiser at Murphy's.
AND HERE COMES Manti Te'o — doing his duty by transferring to Manoa, where he'll join his fellow Buffanblu (oh, in case you didn't hear, the entire senior class of the 2011 Interscholastic League of Honolulu football champions has committed to the University of Hawaii, also by order of the president).
Back to Manti. When Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly a couple of weeks ago unwittingly dissed the Fighting Irish players he didn't recruit, including Te'o, Manti tweeted famously — or infamously, depending on your point of view — "Playin for my bros and that's it!!!"
That was later taken down, soon to be replaced with, "Playin for my braddahs and that's it!!!"
Of course, Robby Toma's on the next flight out of South Bend, too.
And a source tells us Jeremy Ioane is on emergency recall from Boise State. He was getting kind of tired playing for an undefeated, top-five-ranked team, anyway.
I can already hear Chris Hart, the new voice of the Warriors ... "Cayman Shutter to Miah Ostrowski, touchdown!"
DOES IT REALLY exist, this Punahou Mafia?
Sure it does, but it's not what you might think.
"It's not like we're in a smoke-filled room, eating spaghetti," said one high-level capo (anonymously, for fear of being caught breaking the O-men's pledge of O-merta). "But we are in the back room at Waialae Country Club, eating saimin, right now, planning world domination."
Hey, it worked for UH basketball; why not football?
Apparently, some of coach Gib Arnold's friends who happened to go to the same high school he did are contributing a WHOPPING $30,000 a year to his new salary.
Maybe in time to help pay college tuition for Arnold's yet unborn grandchildren.