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Punahou Mafia at work on Warriors football fix

By Dave Reardon


Never fear, University of Hawaii football fans. The Punahou Mafia is here.

The hui that saved Rainbow Warriors basketball by bringing you the son of a coach who failed miserably at UH is ready for more bold covert action.

Even Big Buff Barry arrives on the scene this week.

You didn't really think Air Force Pun is flying its primo passenger into town for silly meetings about how to fix the world economy, did you? That's just the cover.

Obama's here to quietly address important big-picture problems, like how to finally beat John Kamana in basketball ... and buying out Greg McMackin and replacing the beleaguered UH football coach and his staff with some competent winners, such as Kale Ane, Norm Chow and Duane Akina.

A million dollars and change to buy out a college football coach? A slam dunk for Punahou money and presidential power! If Obama can't raise the dough, Keith Amemiya can just hold a fundraiser at Murphy's.

AND HERE COMES Manti Te'o — doing his duty by transferring to Manoa, where he'll join his fellow Buffanblu (oh, in case you didn't hear, the entire senior class of the 2011 Interscholastic League of Honolulu football champions has committed to the University of Hawaii, also by order of the president).

Back to Manti. When Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly a couple of weeks ago unwittingly dissed the Fighting Irish players he didn't recruit, including Te'o, Manti tweeted famously — or infamously, depending on your point of view — "Playin for my bros and that's it!!!"

That was later taken down, soon to be replaced with, "Playin for my braddahs and that's it!!!"

Of course, Robby Toma's on the next flight out of South Bend, too.

And a source tells us Jeremy Ioane is on emergency recall from Boise State. He was getting kind of tired playing for an undefeated, top-five-ranked team, anyway.

I can already hear Chris Hart, the new voice of the Warriors ... "Cayman Shutter to Miah Ostrowski, touchdown!"

DOES IT REALLY exist, this Punahou Mafia?

Sure it does, but it's not what you might think.

"It's not like we're in a smoke-filled room, eating spaghetti," said one high-level capo (anonymously, for fear of being caught breaking the O-men's pledge of O-merta). "But we are in the back room at Waialae Country Club, eating saimin, right now, planning world domination."

Hey, it worked for UH basketball; why not football?

Apparently, some of coach Gib Arnold's friends who happened to go to the same high school he did are contributing a WHOPPING $30,000 a year to his new salary.

Maybe in time to help pay college tuition for Arnold's yet unborn grandchildren.

Reach Star-Advertiser sports columnist Dave Reardon at dreardon@staradvertiser.com, his "Quick Reads" blog at staradvertiser.com and twitter.com/davereardon.

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99club wrote:
"....leave the run and gun, take the cannoli."
on November 7,2011 | 01:10AM
group22 wrote:
Yeah...nice article...ridiculous actually...even if you're just trying to be funny..phew....
on November 7,2011 | 03:15AM
Pookie_Baby wrote:
The only accurate point of this whole article is to have Norm Chow.
on November 7,2011 | 05:02AM
Loyalty wrote:
Stupid article!
on November 7,2011 | 05:06AM
Bdpapa wrote:
Yep, full of beans! Article not print worthy!
on November 7,2011 | 06:08AM
managerr wrote:
Oh Dave! They totally blackmailed you to write this article isn't they? I can't believe they've gotten their hands into our local newspapers to write propaganda for them now too!
on November 7,2011 | 05:18AM
Anonymous wrote:
Do you have to go into government witness protection now Dave? What's all the talk about Norm Chow anyway? Seems to me like that train came and went. BIK
on November 7,2011 | 05:48AM
jkjones wrote:
gary anderson would be nice, he aint mafia, but he is competent and knows how to recruit.
on November 7,2011 | 06:05AM
McCully wrote:
It's time for the mafia to do it's magic. Mac has been bleeding the program too many years. I hear he already has a job for him at SMU. He's has been hinting going back to his home state of Texas. Well GO already!!!!!!!!!!!
on November 7,2011 | 06:29AM
Bdpapa wrote:
Never heard anything about him going, but if heʻs thinking of it, nowʻs the time to go. But to keep the record straight I am a Mack fan!
on November 7,2011 | 06:58AM
CriticalReader wrote:
Might be a good thing or a bad thing for a Punahou Mafia to be involved. In the case of Arnold, seems like the word was that the Punahou mafia busted down the door for him, and the sense is that UH "showed 'em who's really boss" by subsequently, stubbornly refusing to execute a contract with Arnold. So, now Arnold's talking a $100K raise because no contract locked him in early. And, he can leave at any time with no penalty. Alternatively, I don't think UH can give him the boot under the current state of affairs. Punahou mafia indeed. The next football coach should be so lucky.
on November 7,2011 | 06:45AM
Leftout wrote:
I have yet to read an article of Dave's that was of any value. Why he is still at the paper? Liked it better when he was in Florida.
on November 7,2011 | 06:48AM
ScottKaalele wrote:
This is actually a column, not a print article. This is supposed to be his opinion an whatever he wants to write about. I you have yet to read an article of Dave's that has value, then why do you keep reading his articles? I found this kind of funny, and there is always value in that.
on November 7,2011 | 07:46AM
CriticalReader wrote:
It's also worth noting that McMackin and Nash were the picks of the old guard UH sports mafia desperately trying to hold onto power at UH. The same guys June Jones got fed up with and left.
on November 7,2011 | 06:50AM
maafifloos wrote:
Point: UH does not attract Hawaii's quality athlethes. Mediocre UH coaching contributes.
on November 7,2011 | 07:25AM
Bdpapa wrote:
Very true! Sad but true. The coaching staff needs to go out and find these big athletic linemen. That is the key. Their whole focus should be scouring the country, Samoa, New Zealand and Australia to find big, rugged guys. Of course they need to have the other things such as want of an education and good citizenship. but bottom line is we need linemen!
on November 7,2011 | 07:36AM
toomuchpilikia wrote:
I would agree....we need lineman that are quick and will stay with the assigned block. It's time to stop with the one bump and hope for the best. Safety's are either playing too short or too far. Allowing a receiver to get in front of you is a fundamental no no!
on November 7,2011 | 08:35AM
eastside808 wrote:
Is this column supposed to represent a legitimite news articles of a metropolitan paper? This commentary seems more like something a high school paper would have, "Santa's Wish List". Seriously, need to look at the content and quality of journalism being displayed by Mr. Reardon's article.
on November 7,2011 | 07:47AM
ScottKaalele wrote:
There is a big difference between a news article and an opinion column. This is an opinion column/editorial.
on November 7,2011 | 10:37AM
wlsc wrote:
how about james scott 4 uh president?
on November 7,2011 | 07:55AM
from_da_cheapseats wrote:
Humor is always in the eye of the beholder...starting with the writer. Kinda funny from my pov, which is kinda from afar...
on November 7,2011 | 08:59AM
Dawg wrote:
Remember Punahou also gave rise to Case! Go Mazie.
on November 7,2011 | 09:25AM
Oreo101 wrote:
Ed Case never graduated from Punahou. He graduated from HPA on the Big Island
on November 7,2011 | 08:26PM
rdlarue wrote:
are they running out of things to publish. really dumb article!!!!
on November 7,2011 | 01:12PM
islandsun wrote:
Time to let others plays now. Any special meaning for this season is long lost regardless of any weak bowl appearance. Especially at QB, lets see who can play at this level. Moniz was a one year wonder.
on November 7,2011 | 02:41PM
hon2255 wrote:
Mac's time has run out, the hour glass is empty, recruiting is also empty given the fact that even when the quarterback is o fer ofer on long passes for weeks now, he doesnt bench him , what no talent in the rest you recruited on scholie and the walk on stays in. WTF.
on November 7,2011 | 09:16PM
GuavaJelly wrote:
Sorry, no defending this piece. It reads like a drunken blog post. If Reardon has an opinion, he should come out and say it. Can we circle Fail in red and send it back to him for a redo? I imagine thats what the capos(/teachers) at Punahou would do.
on November 8,2011 | 10:25AM
jcole wrote:
Nice satire, Dave. Satire, being so tricky to read, needs a clear purpose, and your purpose went over my head. I hope it was to prompt some action and not just to get a laugh.
on November 8,2011 | 02:45PM