Bah, what’s fifty bucks a semester?
There is opposition brewing among University of Hawaii-Manoa students over a proposal to stick on an additional $50 "student athletic fee" on top of tuition and other costs of going to school. The thought is that starving students are being squeezed to bail out an athletic program in the red.
But come on. Fifty bucks? Isn’t that the least each Manoa student can do to support the shining jewel of the university? Not fifty bucks to support rat cloning or high makamaka writing or even to fix campus urinals so they flush. Fifty bucks for the athletic department should be without question. Like tithing. Students should volunteer to dig deep and give more.
A college student spends more than that on a single textbook. Or a month’s worth of study pizza. Or cell phone service so they can text Mom to ask for more money to pay for cell phone service. Surely a student can go without one textbook every semester to do their part for the athletic department. The rich guys in town have already coughed up enough to support the program. Time for the little guys to do their part.
And for a mere fifty bucks a semester, UH-Manoa students will have the pride of knowing they’re helping to feed the football players, get them to nonconference games and buy soap for the athletic department showers. C’mon, man. Remember how sad the soapless showers made Colt Brennan? What’s fifty bucks a semester so those who follow in Colt’s footsteps and wash in his wash-steps can have some dang Irish Spring to bathe away the pain when they lose to a skunk team like Boise State?
Maybe, with your kokua, they can raise enough money to buy UH athletes those simple things they so desperately need, like … compasses, party hats, clothes that fit. Eh, I could go on talking, but money speaks louder than words (bonus points if you recognize that Rap Reiplinger quote.)
It’s not like the money is going to pay coaches who can’t even buy a win even with a six- or seven-figure salary. Now that would be wrong.
And think of all the benefits that will come with the new activity fee: tailgates! All the off-brand hot dogs and strawberry syrup juice you can stomach.
Prize giveaways! Fifty dollars a semester is totally worth the chance to win a logo beach towel or plastic water bottle, especially if it’s thrown at your face by a grinning male cheerleader. Whoo hoo! Hey, c’mon, say it with me now: Whoo hoo!
But wait. There’s more.
Free admission to sporting events and special kapu student seating for 5,000 students at Aloha Stadium, which would be awesome if it came with parking. Oh wait, it doesn’t. Well, never mind. Catch bus. Whoo hoo!
And as a super-special added bonus, the athletic department will hold a free concert for students sometime during the year. Come on, folks, a free concert for $50? Where you gonna get a deal like that?
Lee Cataluna can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.