79
The world didn’t end and neither did the politics as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» May 21 came and went with no sign of the predicted Armageddon. The only sound of rapture around here was Mayor Peter Carlisle’s whooping when he opened his latest batch of campaign contributions from rail contractors.
» Some were more nervous than others about the possible end of days. Gov. Neil Abercrombie was so relieved it didn’t happen that he called a press conference to proclaim "Glee Day" in Hawaii.
» The old crank who made the false doomsday prediction adjusted his math and reset the date to Oct. 21. I guess Ed Case won’t have to choose whether to dress as Dan Inouye or Dan Akaka for Halloween.
» In another cosmic event, we were visited by a phenomenon known as Lahaina Noon, when the sun is directly overhead and you can’t see your shadow. It gave everybody a chance to experience what it’s like for Mazie Hirono every day.
» Former Gov. Linda Lingle, the Republican hope in the 2012 election, said she’ll announce by August whether she’s running for U.S. Senate. In the meantime she’s doing home experiments to determine how much tea she can swallow.
» After less than five months on the City Council, Tulsi Gabbard, 30, decided she’s ready for a big promotion and announced she’ll run for Congress. These kids today think the fast-forward button works on everything.
» Sen. Clayton Hee had to amend his financial disclosure with the Ethics Commission after his wife’s disclosure for her own state job revealed mutual assets and income the senator had neglected to mention. Honey, I shrunk your credibility.
» The state Reapportionment Commission needs a $664,000 emergency appropriation for computer software and technical gadgetry before it can start redrawing district lines for the 2012 election. Computers? They used to be able to rig the political map with just a pencil and a legal pad.
» Hawaii has the nation’s third-highest ratio of homeless people, behind only Nevada and Oregon. Don’t worry, we’ll catch up once the Legislature legalizes casinos and pot bars.
» Hawaii drivers ranked lowest among the states for knowledge of traffic rules in tests administered by GMAC Insurance. Who can study when you’re busy talking on the cellphone, skidding around potholes and sucking Slurpees?
And the quotation of the week … from state Sen. Will Espero on Abercrombie’s deal with NASA to make Hawaii a training ground for lunar exploration: "What we’re going to do is build a lunar habitat here … of what it would look like on the moon." Senate chambers will give astronauts a glimpse of the dark side of the moon.
David Shapiro can be reached at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.
