Politicians’ values in vogue as Senate race heats up

Mazie’s on the pulpit and Linda’s on the tube as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» As Democratic U.S. Senate hopefuls debated, Mazie Hirono continued to campaign on her "values," prompting rival Ed Case to trumpet his own. Politicians preaching about values are like vultures lecturing on table manners.

» Republican Linda Lingle became the first U.S. Senate candidate to launch her own cable TV channel. Programming includes "The Dick Cheney Comedy Hour," "Dancing with the Multi-Millionaires" and "Are You Smarter Than Donald Trump’s Hair?"

» Mayor Peter Carlisle described the first concrete column for the city’s $5.27 billion rail project as "beauty personified" and compared it to the Mona Lisa. Honolulu rail is to the Mona Lisa what Peter Carlisle is to George Clooney.

» Former Gov. Ben Cayetano’s mayoral campaign got caught urging supporters to vote more than once in an online rail poll. I guess his fingers were crossed when he said the only poll that matters is on election day.

» The city deployed "smart" parking meters that accept credit and debit cards. As parking rates keep going up, a future enhancement will allow drivers to apply for second mortgages.

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie needed a state commission to bail him out after he was two days past the legal deadline in appointing Peter Cahill as a Maui Circuit Court judge. He promises so many "New Days," it’s hard for him to keep track of which one it is.

» Japanese astronomers using Hawaii telescopes discovered a galaxy formed 12.91 billion years ago. In layman’s terms, it dates back to the hanabata days of Hawaii Sens. Daniel Inouye and Daniel Akaka.

» The Democratic Party won’t sue to bar former state land director Laura H. Thielen from running for the state Senate, but may form a tribunal to expel her from the party. This case was made for a kangaroo court.

» Former Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona will begin a new career officiating over commercial weddings. What a perfect job for a guy with eight years of experience as a figurehead.

» Federal wildlife officials want to increase Hawaii’s list of endangered species, already the longest in the nation. New entries include tree snails, native plants and Republican state legislators.

» The U.S. Supreme Court turned away yet another appeal by "birthers" who dispute that Hawaii is President Barack Obama’s home state. Plaintiffs will announce their next move as soon as they receive instructions from their home planet.

And the quote of the week … from Mayor Carlisle at the unveiling of the first concrete pillar poured for the Oahu rail system: "This is absolutely and unequivocally our future staring us in the face." We’d better get a good look before it falls on our heads.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.