Addiction wreaks havoc on minds and relationships

With tears rolling down their cheeks, two patients recently confided that their marriages had failed when they suddenly learned their husbands were secretly addicted to Internet pornography. Both spoke about their feelings of betrayal, rejection and violation. They expressed emotions commonly shared when an affair comes to light, but there was more: "It is worse," said one patient, "to realize that my husband wasn’t even in a real relationship and to see that he is also sick with an addiction."

"Every second $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography," according to Jerry Ropelato, author of "Internet Pornography Statistics" at the research website Top Ten Reviews. "Every second 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. In that same second, 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines. Every 39 minutes a new pornographic video is being created in the U.S."

Estimates of global revenue brought in by the porn industry range from $10 billion to $97 billion per year.

The porn industry has been transformed in recent years by the Internet and mobile computing devices. While the bottom has dropped out of the adult video business, the availability of low-cost video cameras and phones with video capacity means that creating, posting and viewing pornography online is widely accessible. While watching pornography online, the viewer has no relationship or emotional ties with the images. Porn content is easy to find and offers instant gratification for virtually any fantasy. The problem is that it also can make people check out of their real-life relationships and lose themselves in the process.

Addiction, an Internet-enabled illness, is not limited to sex. It includes gaming. Players come to inhabit another world for extended periods. Countless hours at the screen negatively impact sleep, hygiene, nutrition and physical activity. Long term, it can have a problematic influence on social and emotional development. People can wind up with a warped view of what is actually involved in a healthy relationship.

How do we know if a behavior is an addiction? It has a lot to do with how often and how long one spends at the activity and whether it results in the avoidance of social interaction or sexual intimacy in real-life relationships. Addiction also comes with a compulsion to engage in the given behavior. Whether it is Internet pornography, gaming, drugs, cigarettes or gambling, addicts need their fix.

While information technology can erode normal human behavior and destroy lives, it also can enhance healthy communication and positive relationships. A couple in a healthy relationship may choose, on occasion, to view a romantic or sexy film, but there is a qualitative difference between casual exploration and the compulsion that comes with addiction.

Healthy, committed relationships take commitment, work and patience. To be sustainable, they need to be nourished by active communication and time together — enabling us to grow and change as we gain personal insights that strengthen our bonds.

Ira Zunin, M.D., M.P.H., M.B.A., is medical director of Manakai o Malama Integrative Healthcare Group and Rehabilitation Center and CEO of Global Advisory Services Inc. Please submit your questions to info@manakaiomalama.com.