In Hawaii, greetings vary by situation

In Hawaii it’s not uncommon for business associates to greet one another with a hug and a kiss. Friends and family do the same, and sometimes even strangers.

But there are times when it’s just a hug — and times when a handshake is more appropriate.

"First of all, how you greet someone is totally personal, even in Hawaii," said cultural consultant Peter Apo.

While Hawaii is a much warmer, relaxed and hospitable kind of place than stiff-collared cities on the East Coast, it all depends on the situation, according to Apo.

Board members of the Hawaii Tourism Authority are likely to give one another a hug and kiss upon greeting in accordance with local custom. But in a meeting with mainland investors, a handshake would be more appropriate.

In French Polynesia, people greet one another with either a handshake or a kiss on the cheek. In France a kiss on each cheek is considered less intimate than an embrace.

Some accounts say offering a kiss with a lei was initiated by a Hawaiian entertainer during World War II. A kiss on the cheek is not actually a traditional Hawaiian greeting.

According to Apo, the traditional Hawaiian greeting of "honi" fell out of practice but is making a comeback.

"It’s an expression of aloha," Apo said. "‘Alo’ means to be in one’s presence, and ‘ha’ is the breath of life. So the honi is about touching noses and breathing."

Apo explains: "What you are doing is exchanging the breath of life. It is a commitment, an unconditional extension of trust and friendship. It is accepting responsibility for each other’s well-being and safety, and it is the ultimate, most personal greeting in the world because it breaks down any personal distance between two people."

The handshake, by contrast, is a warrior greeting, he said.

"It means, ‘I have no weapon,’ because you have to open your hand to shake the other person’s hand," he said. "The handshake is also a way to keep the other person away from you, because you can’t hug or get up close."

The hug, or embrace, says Apo, is the modern version of honi.

"I think it is probably practiced more in Hawaii than anywhere else in the world, except Italy," he said. "Part of the embrace encompasses giving a lei."

But ultimately, with people who come from many different parts of the world, how one individual greets another would depend on the situation.

"The burden of responsibility is with the person extending the greeting," he said. "When others come to our islands, if that’s not part of the custom, we have to be careful. It’s just common sense."

Generally, you can intuitively sense whether an individual is protective of their personal space.

Typically, if a person doesn’t want to be hugged or kissed, then a hand will probably come up for a handshake.

Some hotels have policies requiring workers to refrain from hugging and kissing while giving out a lei to avoid offending guests, according to Apo, while others leave it up to the workers to discern what’s appropriate for each situation.

Peter Fithian, owner of Greeters of Hawaii, which offers a greeting service, says that when he started his business in 1958, greeters would first approach men with a handshake and lei, then give the ladies a hug, kiss and lei.

Today, Greeters of Hawaii still offers lei greetings with a hug and kiss.

"It’s one of those things where you just have to feel the other person out," said Apo. "Everyone’s going to do what’s right for them. Some people can accept the custom, and some can’t."

And some people like to play it safe by sticking with the handshake.

At the same time, the practice of honi, like the word "aloha," shouldn’t be taken too lightly in modern-day situations.

"It’s not just hello, goodbye," said Apo. "It’s a very, very formal, big-time deep greeting. You don’t honi to be cool; you do it with meaning and intent."