State, lawmakers practice their political math skills

It was payday at the Capitol as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» The state salary commission said big pay raises are needed for legislators, the governor and judges to attract better people for high office. If that’s the goal, shouldn’t we first cut the pay to encourage the people we have to leave?

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie’s department heads are pressing senators to reverse a House decision to cut more than 900 vacant positions from the state budget. The governor needs the vacant positions to fulfill his empty promises.

» A state Senate committee amended a bill to repeal the controversial Public Land Development Corp. by stashing its employees in another department. It’s like saving a piece of Frankenstein to start the next monster.

» A conspiratorially minded activist against genetically modified foods told Sen. Clarence Nishihara to "go back to Japan." The senator was too much of a gentleman to suggest she go back to her home planet.

» Sen. Sam Slom said on "The O’Reilly Factor" that some Hawaii cultures don’t see a problem in having sex with young children. And some politicians don’t see a problem in having their observations go from the eyes to the mouth without passing through the brain.

» U.S. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, who seldom stays in a job past her first term, is appearing often on political talk shows and got a cameo in the fictional drama "Chasing the Hill." It’s hard to tell if she’s chasing a U.S. Senate seat or auditioning for the Screen Actors Guild.

» University of Hawaii President M.R.C. Greenwood admitted relations with the Legislature have been rocky since the Stevie Wonder concert fiasco, but said media coverage "has not been as measured as one would hope." Aw, c’mon, we couldn’t have made up this one if we tried.

» Kauai police arrested a Kapaa man for drinking and driving and having no license after he posted an online video of himself drinking from a beer bottle while driving and cracking jokes about the law. Maybe he can plead it down to driving while stupid.

» Fuel from a yacht owned by Google co-founder Larry Page spilled into Hono­lulu Harbor and drifted toward an even bigger yacht owned by fellow tech billionaire and owner of Lanai Larry Ellison. Why does this strike me as so hi-Larry-ous?

And the quote of the week … from Rep. Angus Mc­Kelvey on a Senate-passed anti-paparazzi bill named for Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler: "There is zero support for that legislation in the House of Representatives. To say there is absolutely zero support would be an understatement. There is a better chance of people flapping their arms and flying from Lanai to Maui." He gave away Ellison’s business plan.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.