The death of a loved one is a fork-in-the-road opportunity, advises a national speaker and writer on the mourning process.

Those in grief can become better — or bitter, says Louis E. LaGrand, bereavement coordinator at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Venice, Fla.

At a free seminar downtown Tuesday, LaGrand offered advice on how to adapt to great losses and avoid unnecessary suffering, to climb out of the chasm of grief and forge new meaning in life. Most of the attendees, an overflow crowd of 250, are with hospice or support programs.

Though he is a lifelong Catholic, LaGrand urged his listeners to develop their spirituality with or without a religious connection.

"Spirituality is an essential part of each person," he said in an interview. "People are spiritually hungry. They want to look at the big questions about life: Why am I here? What am I supposed to do here?"

But LaGrand also touched on his favorite topic: accounts of communication with the dead.

"Consciousness survives death," he said in his talk at Borthwick Mortuary on behalf of St. Francis Hospice. "That’s a way of saying there is an afterlife. Your conscious self moves into that afterlife when you die. I don’t often use words like ‘afterlife’ because for some people there’s a quick reaction or turn-off."

A grief counselor and teacher for 25 years, LaGrand is known worldwide for his research and two books on how the living find comfort in receiving signs from those they’ve lost. One of the books is "Messages and Miracles: The Extraordinary Experiences of the Bereaved."

He was skeptical at first: In 1981, a woman told him that while she was caring for her 4-year-old grandson, she left him in the bathroom for a moment; when she returned, he was white as a sheet.

"Grandma, I saw a picture of Aunt Jan when she was smiling!" he said.

Jan was the woman’s 28-year-old daughter, who had recently died.

LaGrand began asking those he counseled if anything unusual had happened since their loved one died.

And he was surprised, he recalled, at how many had the same kind of story. They would feel a hug or a touch from the person who died, or see a particular symbol reminding them of the person, like a butterfly or a rainbow appearing at a momentous time.

He and his wife had their own extraordinary experience, or "EE," as he calls it.

Two years ago after a close friend, Melba, died, they asked her to give them a sign. He said they suspected Melba had a good laugh watching him run all over the house trying to find the source of an intermittent beeping sound.

It came from none of their electronic devices, he said.

"There are billions of people that have extraordinary experiences," said LaGrand. "We just don’t hear enough about them. One of the reasons is that scientific materialism does not believe in any of that kind of stuff."

Critics have told him he should not promote what could simply be coincidences and wishful thinking, but he told his audience Tuesday, "I’ve heard so many of these, I cannot believe that all of them are just coincidences or random things. There are just too many."

What’s more, they can help with the grieving process, he said.

"I saw there was a great potential in them (EEs) to help people deal with their loss."

The experiences "can change your belief system, help you live on a higher plane with more love and understanding," LaGrand said. They can also inspire people to do things they never thought they could, he added.

He encourages people to honor their dead with rituals on anniversaries of important dates, keeping mementos nearby.

"There’s nothing wrong with talking to them," he insisted.

Grieving is a highly individual process, with varying degrees of guilt, anger and depression that have to be worked through, LaGrand said. At the same time, people need to accept the fact that physical interaction with their loved ones is no longer possible.

They need to develop different routines and "get a life" — find a purpose, rediscover a passion, and learn something new, he added.

"It’s all right to have a small pity party for a couple of minutes," he said.

But continuous feelings like that can create a sense of victimhood that diminishes the ability to move on, LaGrand said.

"Be very careful of feeling sorry for yourself," he advised. "If you get into that too deeply, you’re going to prolong the intense suffering that you’re into."