Libert Weatherholtz, 50, was at home in Kalihi watching the news during the weekend when his cousin’s face flashed on the TV screen, speaking out against same-sex marriage.
"Oh my goodness, what is going on?" he remembers thinking. "My grandparents taught us to love one another, respect everybody, no matter who they are."
Weatherholtz, a solidly built man with a ready smile, is proud to be three-quarters Native Hawaiian but says he had to learn to be tough growing up because of another aspect of his persona that drew taunts. Unlike the other boys, he wasn’t eager to hold hands with the girls, something he knew as early as elementary school.
Jubilance at the state Capitol among same-sex marriage supporters Tuesday came only after an intense, at times vitriolic, debate that divided families and friends. The emotional issue pushed people to take a stand rather than dodging confrontation and remaining silent.
"Going through all the hatred again through the last two weeks — the hatred I thought had stopped — it brought back a lot of memories and hurt," said Weatherholtz, who is single.
But the Legislature’s final passage of a bill that will extend marriage rights to all couples buoyed his spirits and reaffirmed his grandparents’ credo. He marked the occasion by helping prepare food for a celebration, as he did most of his working life as a professional cook.
"It took 20 years but it’s finally here!" he proclaimed. "I’m happy."
In 1993 the Hawaii Supreme Court ruled that denying same-sex partners the right to marry violated the equal protection provided in the state Constitution. The ruling helped spark the national debate about gay marriage, although Hawaii stepped back from that court ruling with a constitutional amendment giving the Legislature the power to decide.
Penelope Ropeti, 23, and her partner, Chardonnay Pao, 22, were toddlers at the time of the Hawaii court’s ruling. The Pearl City couple feels lucky to have come of age during more tolerant times. Still, they must tread carefully.
Ropeti is in the Army and had to keep her connection to Pao under wraps before the military dropped its ban on homosexuality. She still hasn’t told her father in American Samoa for fear of his reaction.
"I had to hide it because I didn’t want to have to choose between her and the family," she said. "My mom didn’t have a problem with it at all. It’s one step at a time, slowly but surely."
When they came to check out the scene at the Capitol more than a week ago, they walked hand in hand past a line of opposing sign-wavers and were dismayed by the reaction.
"I’ve never felt like that in my life," said Ropeti. "It made me think about how black people might have felt. We had signs waved in our faces, whooping and hollering as we walked by."
They also found some of their friends’ Facebook postings disheartening.
"We try to be as respectful as possible just because we understand it’s hard to accept change," said Pao, who is studying for a master’s degree in business and working full time. "We didn’t realize that they felt so strongly against it."
They are relieved as they look ahead, knowing that the legislation will put them on an equal footing with other couples should they choose to marry, allowing them both to shop at the base exchange, for example, or be on the same medical plan. A U.S. Supreme Court ruling in June striking down a key element of the Defense of Marriage Act means that legally married same-sex couples now enjoy federal benefits such as Social Security and joint tax returns.
"Generations before us couldn’t even speak out about who they were," said Pao. "We’ve been really blessed because we are here now. The fact that this is happening is great. We are at the peak of it."
At the Capitol on Tuesday, University of Hawaii at Manoa professor and Psychology Department Chairwoman Ashley Maynard said opponents need to understand that "being gay is not a choice" and there is no need to fear the "effects on children."
"Sexual orientation is genetic," said Maynard, a developmental psychologist who came to witness the final vote. "Gay couples have been around for probably thousands of years. And we have decades of research that shows that kids raised in these households are just like other kids."
In Palolo the Rev. George Lee, 86, and his wife were watching the proceedings on television. Four of their five children are in traditional marriages. The fifth is in a civil union.
"We are a family of productive and caring individuals," the Episcopal clergyman declared in a message to legislators earlier in the special session. "Nothing in my family experience has ever been weakened or undermined by having a gay person or couple in it."
"In Hawaii we don’t turn our backs on family," he added. "No member of anyone’s ohana — gay or straight — should have to face shame because of who they are and who they love."
