Legislators’ crackpot plans muddle state’s real issues

The 2016 Legislature stumbled through its first full month and gets our complete attention as we “flASHback” on February’s news that amused and confused:

>> Maui Sen. J. Kalani English said an old cocaine charge shouldn’t disqualify him from a lucrative state license to dispense medical marijuana, since the judge deferred acceptance of his guilty plea. Obviously, he’s confusing a second chance from a judge with a golden ticket from Willy Wonka.

>> Legislators quickly killed bills that would bar them from taking money from lobbyists during session or hiring their relatives, while advancing legislation to gut the state ethics code. At least they’re honest about their disregard for honesty.

>> In the closest thing to political reform this session, a bill by Rep. Kaniela Ing would allow imprisoned felons to vote. The theory is that criminals are the best judge of political talent.

>> Gov. David Ige told lawmakers his promise to cool 1,000 public school classrooms doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll put in air conditioning. If he plans to do it by reducing the political hot air surrounding our schools, he’s off to a bad start.

>> A bill moving through the Legislature would make it illegal for pedestrians to use cellphones while crossing the street. Lawmakers want the rest of us to be just like them — unable to walk the talk.

>> Legislators aim to crack down on slow driving with a bill setting stiff penalties for “vehicular lollygagging.” The term derives from “legislative lollygagging,” defined as wasting time on silly side issues to avoid real problems such as homelessness, rutted roads and failing schools.

>> Seriously, though, slow driving is a major problem for some in Hawaii. If drivers don’t hit the potholes at top speed, the local car repair industry could collapse.

>> A bill by Sen. Mike Gabbard would make it a crime to kill or capture sharks in state waters. For our senators, it’s a gesture of professional courtesy.

>> Oahu hotel revenue per room is on par with Paris, Tokyo and Rio, an international travel survey reports. Legislators use the tax bounty to give us an infrastructure on par with Addis Ababa, Kabul and Port-au-Prince.

>> Once again this year, the Legislature refused to consider death with dignity. Lawmakers prefer to go out in April in their usual blaze of ignominy.

>> Five members of Mongolia’s parliament are visiting Hawaii to meet with legislators and other local politicians for advice on transparency, accountability and battling corruption. That’s like asking striptease dancers for advice on modesty.

And the quote of the month … from House Finance Chairwoman Sylvia Luke on Ige administration plans to cool classrooms: “No. 1, we want to make sure that DOE does it properly and efficiently.” We all know what No. 2 is when it comes to the output of the Hawaii Legislature.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.