UH beats Nevada as the true road warriors

Cue the violin section.

Break out the boxes of tissue, extra ply.

And let’s all shed a tear — or a torrent — for the much-burdened University of Nevada football team.

Yes, the Wolf Pack — make that the “road-weary” Wolf Pack, according to the Reno Gazette Journal, is traveling all the way to Honolulu this week.

Quick, somebody call Traveler’s Aid or AAA.

The official press release from the Nevada athletic department notes, “the Wolf Pack just completed a trip in which it traveled 3,490 total miles to West Lafayette, Ind., (to play Purdue) and back. This week Nevada will go 5,134 total miles to Hawaii and back.”

Wow, all of 8,624 miles in two weeks, but it doesn’t exactly make them Thor Heyerdahl or figure to earn them much sympathy here.

Followers of the Rainbow Warriors will note that Hawaii did that and more, 10,166 miles to be exact, in their opening week just getting to and from Australia. And then, after little more than a quick laundry stop, UH flew off to Ann Arbor, Mich.

The Reno newspaper reports Nevada “will have logged 12,124 air miles in 24 days,” following the conclusion of the Hawaii trip.

Nice, but unless they are arriving on the Kon Tiki it doesn’t qualify the Wolf Pack for the National Geographic cover when UH already has traveled twice that.

After this week, UH still has another four road games totaling 21,622 miles to go before calling it a season. Meanwhile, Nevada, after this week, has three road games remaining. Two of them, San Jose State and Nevada-Las Vegas, can be done via Greyhound.

All together UH will travel more miles than any NFL team this year as it has done so practically since Hiram Bingham was traipsing the Andes. And, in fact, since it doesn’t have a union, UH will double the mileage of most NFL teams.

So, this probably isn’t the week for woe-is-the-Wolf Pack tales.

And most assuredly not when UH is paying the freight for Nevada’s travel.

UH antes up $150,000 for Nevada’s transportation, as it does for all Mountain West teams from then Pacific time zone that play a conference game in Hawaii. It also forks over $175,000 for those coming from the Mountain time zone.

So, if they are so inclined, the Wolf Pack can, on UH’s dime, take a charter flight to ease the burden or bring along an army of Swedish masseuses to soothe the journey.

One of the reasons that UH ventured off to play Wisconsin and Ohio State last year, not to mention Michigan, Arizona and California this year, all away from Aloha Stadium is to pay its $5.2 million bill in so-called geographically “unique” expenses such as onerous travel subsidies.

UH, meanwhile, pays it own travel costs when it goes to Reno — or anywhere else in the Mountain West. And, it doesn’t seek sympathy.

If the Wolf Pack want to share selfies from its travel this year or share tips on which airports in which to best hunt Pokemon with UH, swell. But this is the wrong year and Aloha Stadium is the wrong place to come if you want to mourn the rigors of the road.

Reach Ferd Lewis at flewis@staradvertiser.com or 529-4820.