Be aware of kids’ behaviors to foster healing from trauma

For parents across the isles, the false missile alert Saturday morning was a time of panic as well as a time to figure out how to keep their children safe and reassured in the following week to come. It was also a wake-up call.

Isabella Hughes of Honolulu, a mother of two children ages 3 and 5, recalls crouching under a desk, with both crying after receiving the alert. Afterward, when news that it was a false alarm was confirmed, they were able to continue with their day and the rest of the weekend.

Her son had asked, “But Mama, why would a bomb come to Hawaii?”

At the age of 5, her son is very aware of bombs and what they are, as well as about the history of Kahoolawe, which was the subject of an art installation at the Honolulu Biennial last year. Hughes is a co-founder of the Honolulu Biennial art show, which debuted last year.

“We talked about how it was very scary because we thought there was a possibility it could happen,” she said. “He learned the term ‘false alarm’ from this. … We’re definitely acknowledging his fear.”

He asked about the missile alarm a few times over the weekend but did not mention it again Monday. Hughes said fortunately, kids are resilient, but added that she was winging it in today’s “political climate.” She was also full of gratitude.

Different children will react in various ways, according to Sarah Schick, a licensed clinical social worker at Paradigm Hawaii Counseling in Kailua.

“I think for younger kids it’s better to provide more basic, concrete details and answer their questions, sparing graphic details,” she said. “You do want to reassure them (about) what is being done to keep them safe, but you want to validate fears and emotions.”

She recommends being open and talking about it. Parents also know their children best, she said, and what they need to cope with fear and anxiety.

Child & Family Service, a local nonprofit, is extending the hours of The Parent Line, funded by the state Health Department, to assist those affected by the false ballistic missile alert.

Chief program officer Joey Keahiolalo recommends monitoring kids’ behavior, paying attention to changes in sleeping and eating patterns, and seeking help, if necessary. For younger kids, extra hugs and a normal routine as much as possible can be beneficial, she said, while for older children, being honest and answering questions without traumatic details is helpful.

Talking about it openly has been helpful for Hertta Kucas of Kailua.

She was with her 10-year-old son at a bus stop when they received the cellphone alert. They hurried home to be with her husband and 7-year-old son. She remembers her older one repeating, “Mom, we have a good missile defense system.” They remained relatively calm.

Fortunately, they learned quickly it was a false alarm. Since then they have been discussing it as openly and honestly as possible.

“Speaking about it, and especially going through all the factual information, the chances of an actual nuclear attack, our missile defense system, things our family could do better to prepare in case of any emergency, has brought all of us some peace of mind,” she said.

For Elizabeth Hata-Watanabe, a mother of three, those 38 minutes of uncertainty felt like an eternity.

She maintained a sense of calm, not wanting to show fear in front of her kids, realizing that how she reacted would set the tone for the situation.

First, she called her 13-year-old son, who was with her mother. She told him to stay in the house with grandma, close the windows and doors, and stay safe. She hugged her 7-year-old, who asked if they were going to die, and said, “Don’t worry, everything is going to be OK.” Her 9-year-old was helping dad close all the windows.

After her husband got confirmation that the warning was an error, life went on. But life will also never be the same for Hata-Watanabe, who realized what mattered to her most in those moments was being with family and loved ones.

“You realize who you really treasure,” she said.

MANAGING TRAUMA FOR CHILDREN

>> Give yourself and your children time to heal from the experience. Allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling without judgment or guilt. There is no right or wrong way to respond.

>> Consider minimizing media exposure, especially for children.

>> Accept your child’s feelings and give them time to heal. They are normal reactions to trauma, and you may not be expecting them to feel certain ways, such as overly excitable, sad or anxious. Over time you should see a reduction in the overwhelming feelings.

>> Challenge your own sense of feeling helpless: We have had an opportunity to reassess our readiness for such an event. What can we do to be better prepared? Consider volunteering for a good cause that will improve our state’s prepared responses.

>> Move/exercise and reduce stress. Doing mindful activities will help increase “feel good” endorphins and reduce anxiety-provoking adrenaline rushes.

>> Seek help from others. This doesn’t always mean seeking professional help. Keeping an active family and social support network in our communities is important. Support groups, church gatherings and community organizations are also there to support us.

>> The Parent Line, a free, confidential phone line administered by the nonprofit Child & Family Service, can be accessed at 526-1222 (Oahu) or 800-816-1222 (neighbor islands), 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday to Friday (until 8 p.m. from today to Friday) and 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday.

>> Visit childandfamilyservice.org for more information.

Source: Child & Family Service