The final gubernatorial debate aired Monday at 9 p.m. following, of all things, “Dancing With the Stars.” Andria Tupola and David Ige appeared between two big barbershop-like poles. Tupola stood about half a head taller than Ige. At one point, the blue ribbon wrapped around one of the poles came loose and started to unravel. Moderator Robert Kekaula was wearing what looked like a smoking jacket designed by the World’s Most Interesting Man. Ige kept pronouncing the word “schools” as “skooz.”

How do you un-­awkward that?

You don’t. It was awkward. But Tupola is good at gliding over all sorts of rough water, and we’ve gotten used to David Ige’s nervous speaking style so it doesn’t hurt so much to watch anymore. Because of a weird lag in the audio, Ige looked like those lip dub videos of him on social media, except not as witty. But they both got through it.

Both candidates were given the opportunity to brush off obvious questions about their perceived weaknesses: Ige and his missile-alert fumbling, Tupola and her refusal to distance herself from President Donald Trump’s most controversial positions. Neither actually addressed those questions. Both dodged by talking about how qualified they are to lead the state. Neither was particularly convincing.

From there, the debate proceeded in a simple fashion with questions asked and rebuttals allowed.

Tupola’s main point was the inefficiency of state government and how, for all the money spent, maximum impact is never achieved.

Ige talked about being open and transparent and how he doesn’t agree with Trump. Then he almost sounded like Trump when he praised himself for having the “best cabinet in the history of Hawaii.”

When asked to grade his performance over the last four years, Ige gave himself a B.

(Teachers know this trick. It’s what students do when they realize they deserve a much lower grade but know that if they push for an A they’re going to get shut down and possibly laughed at.)

Then came the section where the candidates for lieutenant governor were to join in to answer questions, and the whole thing started to teeter.

Tupola’s running mate, Marissa Kerns, who has worked hard since the primary election to build a reputation as a hothead and a liability, didn’t show up. Ige’s running mate, Josh Green, was made to stand at Ige’s side doing the first spouse “nod and smile” while Ige talked about how awesome Green was. When asked about the grand falling-out between himself and his first lieutenant governor, Ige answered without even saying Shan Tsutsui’s name.

At this point in the game, a debate is pretty much for entertainment purposes. Absentee ballots are out, early walk-in voting has started and anyone who still plans to go to the polls next Tuesday has probably already made up their minds. There was nothing substantive from either candidate that would make an undecided voter go, “Yes! That’s my gov!” And so ends one of the most lackluster and unsatisfying election seasons in recent memory. Stay thirsty my friends.

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.