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Newcomers to Hawaii, shortly after discovering that “Mahalo” is not the Hawaiian word for trash, learn that a kiss or hug is a common local greeting. Friends, family members, business partners are all expected to give each other warm greetings. It is not a big deal, but it is expected.
Still, as former vice president and likely presidential candidate Joe Biden is discovering, sometimes those “aloha kisses” should not be shared.
It has been a dramatic plunge for Biden, starting
after Lucy Flores, a former Nevada state assemblywoman, wrote that while running for lieutenant governor, Biden approached her from behind, placed his hands on her shoulders, smelled her hair and planted a “big slow kiss” on the back of her head. Soon other women also said Biden had been too quick with comforting back rubs or hugs. Last week Biden said in a video: “Social norms have begun to change; they’ve shifted, and the boundaries of protecting personal
space have been reset —
and I get it.”
That’s the national news, compounded by the hypocrisy for President Donald Trump, who seized on the Biden moment to mock the former vice president — while ignoring his own darkly stained past of going into beauty contestants’ dressing rooms to leer at the women changing clothes, of bragging about grabbing the private parts of women, of paying a porn star and a Playboy model not to discuss the sexual affairs they said they had with him.
That’s Trump — he’s our own national embarrassment. Back in Hawaii, how more confusing has the Biden incident made saying howzit in Hawaii?
I asked two savvy female legislators about navigating when the political social greeting is more than “Eh, brah.”
Makakilo Democratic
Rep. Sharon Har said Hawaii has a strong culture, so social greetings should be understood, respected and allowed to continue.
“Things have changed. People need to be more cognizant of their actions. We are in a more sensitive time and that is not a bad thing,” Har said in an interview.
“Clearly in Hawaii, it is clearly cultural; we hug and we kiss — it is part of our culture.”
Asked recently for advice on what Biden and others who are greeting women should consider, activist Gloria Steinem said: “The way out is simple. Our bodies and voices belong to us — that should be the first step in democracy. Just ask before hugging.”
Har said that is “on-point advice for the mainland, but here it may be too far … Because of our local culture, it is still the norm to hug and kiss.”
Fellow Democrat Sen. Laura Thielen (Kailua-
Waimanalo) said, “We don’t want to give up the aloha kiss and local greetings, but it is good to have some conversation about how do you avoid crossing a line.”
To explore that question, Thielen asked her staff what they thought, and came up with three guidelines.
“First, don’t be exclusive in greetings with a kiss,” she said. “Are you just diving in for the women and not greeting the men that way? Are you going just for younger women, ignoring the aunties?”
Second, don’t linger or fondle. “Some of this seems that this touching thing goes way beyond what is the norm,” Thielen said.
And finally, consider the situation: Is this a backyard party, or a business meeting?
“No one wants the bad behavior of a few to change our culture,” Thielen said. “But there are times when even those, the actions, are not creepy or criminal — but are you making them feel awkward instead of special?”
Thielen concluded that Biden didn’t score well in all three tests, adding that “he is really looking out of touch right now.”
A kiss is more than just a kiss if it unravels an entire presidential campaign.
Richard Borreca writes on politics on Sundays. Reach him at 808onpolitics@gmail.com.
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