Lee Cataluna: Allison Lee Wong is there when you need her

Perhaps we should pause for a moment to appreciate the genius of Allison Lee Wong.

Or Alison Lee-Wong

Or Alison L.Y.F. Wong

The name itself is mysterious and ever-changing.

Good old Allison was the loyal messenger/supporter/notary who helped Katherine Kealoha, attorney, former city prosecutor and wife of former Honolulu Police Chief Louis Kealoha, whenever a document related to someone else’s money needed to be verified and stamped as authentic. She was a true friend, though apparently a fake person.

And yet, she was so believable.

Allison Lee Wong could be a woman in her 50s or a woman in her 20s. She could be a Punahou grad, or Kamehameha, Kaiser, Castle or Campbell. Allison Lee Wong sounds like somebody you know but just can’t quite picture, a face that is both familiar and indistinct at the same time. Allison Lee Wong? Yeah, I think we used to paddle together. Allison Lee Wong? Didn’t she used to go out with Rhonda’s oldest boy? Allison Lee Wong? Wasn’t she one of the team moms when Kaipo was doing that summer soccer camp? Yeah. I know her. Pretty much. I think so.

She’s ubiquitous. She’s plausible. Allison Lee Wong doesn’t sound like the made-up name of a bad TV movie character — Blake Stevens, Amanda Cain, Tristan Marlowe. She sounds like your kid’s teacher or an ear-nose-throat doctor or a name called at the airport because her seat just got upgraded.

How lovely to have Allison Lee Wong in your life — a fangirl who will whip out a letter of support when you’re up for a new job and make it say exactly what you want it to say in the most glowing terms. Allison Lee Wong is a utility player, ready and willing to do anything, maybe even help pick out Louis and Katherine’s matching court clothes.

But most importantly, Allison Lee Wong is a notary, and having a fake friend as a notary is even more useful than having a real nephew with a truck. A notary, as defined by the National Notary Association, is “an official of integrity appointed by state government to serve the public as an impartial witness in performing a variety of official fraud- deterrent acts related to the signing of important documents.”

Allison didn’t ask pointed questions or require cumbersome documents. Allison did what she was told, stamped what needed to be stamped, and went on with her pretend life with no weight on her conscience because she had no conscience. Because she didn’t exist.

It is within the realm of the imagination in this convoluted Kealoha circus that a woman will emerge from U.S. District Court, in slow-motion and defiant, face the media and declare, “I am Allison Lee Wong,” and it will become a thing, like “I am Legend” and “I am Spartacus.”

That would change everything, because though the creation of Allison Lee Wong is a genius work of fiction, making up a fake notary is criminal and making up a fake friend is shame.

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.