Resentment is both a state of mind and a bodily feeling. It’s a form of anger that results from a real or imagined injustice or an unfulfilled, possibly unrealistic, expectation. Anytime you give abundantly of your time, love, money or energy, you activate resentment if you get nothing in return but unmet expectations. To prove yourself right, you then look for where they are failing you, and you notice everything wrong about the situation
Your resentments are not personal, they are instructional. Everything in life is a lesson, and it’s how you look at it that keeps the grudge alive.
You can’t let go of resentment until you change your perception. Resentment stays with you when you associate more negatives than positives with an expected outcome or behavior.
To break this, stop blaming them and look for the gains and the benefits you have received. You already know the negative side but until you can see the equilibrating, positive side, your focus will remain on the negative and your limited perception will keep the grudge alive.
For example, because someone didn’t appreciate you, did you start drawing stronger boundaries around your time? Or, if a friend didn’t pay you back, did you develop new rules about letting other friends borrow money? It is a fact that we gain and grow from every situation in our lives. When you see this situation as one you have gained and grown from, you effortlessly lighten up.
Alice Inoue is the founder of Happiness U. Visit YourHappinessU.com.