Lee Cataluna: How to make your parents stay home

We worry about the wiggly little kids, bored and itching to break free during these stay-at-home orders. We worry about the fragile kupuna who are at particular risk during this pandemic, and about who is bringing them food and keeping them company.

But there are also wiggly kupuna, strong and self-sufficient but stuck at home and climbing the walls, and perhaps driving their families nuts with their innocent but unwise attempts to slip away just to run a few errands or get some air.

John Toillion, 74, of Mililani admits that he’s been out when he maybe didn’t need to be. His daughter Kirsten Toillion Nakashima told him and his wife, Diana, not to leave the house except to walk their dog or shop for food on base at Schofield, but Toillion couldn’t help himself.

“I think a lot of kupunas feel the same way. It’s hard for us to stay home,” Toillion said. “I’m retired but I’m usually out and about. I volunteer at the church and preschool, and I’m on my neighborhood townhouse association. I keep busy.”

Toillion’s daughter installed a location-sharing app called life360 on his phone. She had been using it with her mom and her own three children for several months just so that everyone could stay in touch with one another, but with her dad, she wanted to keep track of him.

At first Toillion was amused. Every time he went out to walk his dog, Pua, his daughter or one of his three grandchildren messaged him to ask him where he was going.

“It really shows how life changes when your child is the one giving you rules about where you can go. It comes full circle,” he said.

Toillion had fun complaining on his Facebook page about his daughter’s careful monitoring, but really, he knew his family’s concern was coming from their love for him and their commitment to doing the right thing. He knew he shouldn’t be out if he didn’t absolutely need something, even if he was wearing a mask and keeping at least 6 feet away from everybody and washing his hands.

For a while he was compliant.

“I love to go to Costco, but I haven’t been for the last three weeks,” he said.

One time, though, he had an urge to slip out, just a quick trip to Walmart. He thought he could outsmart everyone by leaving his phone at home, but his daughter called his wife to check in and and then asked to talk to him. They realized then he had left the house.

“I really got into trouble,” Toillion said.

The next day, vowing to do better, Toillion posted his whereabouts on Facebook all through the day to prove he was behaving. He even wrote out an oath and signed it: “I promise to stay home today except to walk Pua 2x. Signed John A Toillion.”

Nakashima replied to her father’s posts, “Good job, Daddy!”

After that there was a bit of backsliding. Toillion went out for gas and ice cream, though he did report his whereabouts on Facebook to a growing audience of friends who were following his misadventures. Some goaded him on, but most reminded him to listen to his daughter.

He’s been staying at home lately and even wears a mask to walk Pua.

Diana has tried to keep him busy with at-home projects. “She made me watch one episode of Marie Kondo. She tried to get me to watch more, but I said, ‘That’s enough. I get it.’”

His daughter lives nearby and comes over with her children to check in on her parents. They all keep their distance and wear masks. Toillion is aching to hug his grandkids, but he’s obeying that rule, too.

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.