David Shapiro: Dr. Ige’s digital prescription for our Hawaii’s ills flatlines

It’s the last Sunday in January and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> Gov. David Ige had few specifics about his plans for battling COVID or its economic fallout in his State of the State speech, instead talking vaguely about a “Hawaii 2.0” digital economy. He was 3.0 short of putting Steve McGarrett on the case.

>> Ige’s appointee to fill U.S. Rep. Kai Kahele’s vacant Hilo state Senate seat, Laura Acasio, previously called for his impeachment on social media. We’ll let the shrinks sort out if this was a brain fart or a Freudian slip.

>> The public was barred from the opening of the 2021 Legislature as lawmakers, worried about COVID-19 and protests, fenced off the Capitol and called in the National Guard. Lobbyists can get in if they answer the secret security question: “What’s in YOUR wallet?”

>> House Speaker Scott Saiki warned greater security may become permanent, arguing, “The state Capitol was designed to be open to the public, but in this day and age we have to make some adjustments to protect people’s safety.” We’d be safest if legislators were locked out instead of the public.

>> Lt. Gov. Josh Green defended Hawaii’s slow pace of COVID vaccinations, saying, “It’s a complicated process — it’s not going to be like waving a magic wand.” How about we try just shaking a leg?

>> State legislators and their 500 staffers jumped the line on vaccinations after the Department of Health designated them “essential.” I dare any of them to tell Tutu to her face they think they’re more essential.

>> A security guard issued a stern warning to a man caught climbing over the 7-foot Capitol fence. The guard said, “Not so fast, Gov. Ige, you still have two years to go in your term.”

>> Honolulu police used federal COVID relief funds to buy a $150,000 dancing robotic dog named Spot to take temperatures of homeless people, after earlier spending $625,000 on 40 ATVs, trucks and trailers. HPD’s pandemic planner was Toys R Us.

>> Former Congresswoman and presidential candidate Tulsi Gabbard is launching a podcast called “This Is Tulsi Gabbard.” Somebody didn’t get the gig at Fox News she campaigned so hard for.

>> WalletHub.com declared Hawaii the nation’s worst state for driving based on expensive gas and auto repairs, high car thefts and poor roads. We’ll have to live with it until we open the nation’s worst rail system.

>> A stevedore caught a female skunk under a container at Honolulu Harbor. Authorities planned to hold her at the Capitol, where the odor would blend in.

And the quote of the month … from former Mayor Kirk Caldwell on why he was slow to pick up on the corruption of former Police Chief Louis Kealoha and his prosecutor wife, Katherine: “How do you know something you don’t know until you know it?” Or, to put it another way, “Riddle me this, Batman!”

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.