The buzz about town

Feb. 14 is Valentine’s Day, and while some look forward to the cupid-Hallmarked festivity with all the anticipation of E.E. Cummings in springtime, still others are paralyzed by musings of “‘Do I dare?’ and ‘Do I dare?’”.

If you’re anything like me, a self-proclaimed “late-bloomer”, all glasses and braces growing up, then T.S. Eliot’s, The Love Song of Sir J. Alfred Prufrock is more your tune than any sonnet Shakespeare ever wrote, and we can all agree that your love is unrequited hurts.

One of the things I was most fascinated with when I first cut my teeth as a 19-year-old cocktail server at the iconic Shore Bird restaurant in Waikiki was the new language I was expected to learn. I’m not talking about Japanese — which I struggled through in middle school — or French, with which I was enamored in high school and college. I’m talking about the language of service industry workers, more specifically, their nonverbal communication. According to one study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian in the 1960s, 55% of communication is body language and 35% is tone. This means more than 90% of communication is nonverbal. In the age of email, text and instant messaging, body language may seem obsolete. Let me assure you, it most certainly is not.

The most invaluable skill you can learn behind a bar is not the craft of creating stunningly beautiful cocktails. If you really want to awe your guests, you must master the art of anticipatory service; reading the room and responding before the request is even made. You must decipher your guests’ micro expressions, and you must, in turn, be precise with your own nonverbal cues so that your team can be on the same page. Restaurants, after all, like relationships, are a team effort. Coasters on your table serve as more than simple catchments for condensation — they signal to the staff that your drink orders have been taken, so you are not over solicited (or ignored). The final wipe of a table by the busser after removing the dessert plates tell the server you are ready for the check.

So why do these discrete language skills become so muddled and confusing within a more intimate context? And why does our love sometimes feel unrequited even amidst a committed relationship? Any couple’s therapist will tell you the two things you need — besides love — to make a relationship work are trust and communication. But if two people aren’t speaking the same language, (ex. he gives gifts but she needs quality time; she provides acts of service when he needs physical touch), or their words are honest but their tone and body language is harsh or cold, then both trust and communication is lost.

Modernist American poet, E.E. Cummings revered springtime as a time of innocence and bounty, a harmony between man and nature. He duly noted that this opulence was temporary, and change was inevitable. How then, do we make the most of the short time we have with those we hold most precious? Flowers send out delicate electrical charges to bees indicating they have nectar, so that bees may help transfer pollen, enabling the flower to procreate. Bees, in turn, dance to communicate the location of this food source to other bees. If the wondrous splendor of spring is the opus of nature’s many silent communications, then perhaps paying attention to the nonverbal cues is not so much of a lost art as today’s technology would have us believe, and we wouldn’t feel quite so alone in our own thoughts, if we can only learn to pay attention to the subtle signals of others, and take mind of what kind of signals we, ourselves, may be sending.

In celebration of the vernal equinox, nature’s most romantic season, in all her procreative glory, let us intertwine our long-stemmed glasses to renewal of life, love, and calm, clear communication, with an original libation, abundant with winter fruit and spring pollination. Dyfi’s Pollination Gin is a London Dry style of gin of very limited production, using hand-foraged wildflowers from within the Welsh Biosphere reserve, and was awarded Gold Medal and Best Contemporary Welsh Gin at the 2022 World Gin Awards. Exquisitely bitter, grapefruit and succulent watermelon aromas of Lillet Rosé, combine with sweet, local honey, to compliment this elegantly floral spirit, which is further invigorated by effervescence from Fever Tree Sparkling Pink Grapefruit. Needless to say, this cocktail is all the buzz.

Alicia Yamachika is a bartender and craft mixologist, who currently is the key account manager at Southern Glazer’s Wine & Spirits on Oahu. Follow her on Instagram (@alicia_yamachika). Her column will appear every second Wednesday in Crave.