David Shapiro: Flush legislators throw money at everything but the toilets

It’s the last Sunday in May and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> The Legislature concluded its 2022 session with a spending spree on popular projects from a $2 billion budget surplus fueled by federal COVID-19 relief. It was more fun than a free junket to Vegas.

>> Lawmakers refused the Hawai‘i Convention Center’s request for money to fix its leaky roof and instead funded a study to redevelop the area in a possible public-private partnership. If God asked for an ark, they’d build a luxury superyacht.

>> A bill to install bidets in the Capitol to replace traditional toilets and save paper stalled in the Legislature. With all the you-know-what produced in that building, they need fire hoses to clean up.

>> Retired Maj. Gen. Arthur “Joe” Logan was named Honolulu police chief and said he’d focus on fixing relations with the public and tending to the physical and mental health of officers. With HPD clearing only 5.41% of property crimes, it would be nice if he’d fit catching crooks in there.

>> Former police commissioner Max Sword, facing federal trial for his role in a questionable retirement payment to former Chief Louis Kealoha, still sits on the city Water Board and says he won’t step down. Maybe he’s holding out for a $250,000 buyout like he gave Kealoha.

>> After debating three finalists, the Board of Education gave interim Superintendent Keith Hayashi the job permanently. With that thankless job, I don’t know whether to call it a retention or detention.

>> City Council Chair Tommy Waters abandoned plans to run for Congress, saying, “My job is not done here at Honolulu Hale.” In other words, the special interests that fund his campaigns decided he’s of more use to them on the Council.

>> The city is spending $104 per bird to catch feral chickens and is seeking ways to bring down costs. Sounds like an opportunity for a public-private partnership with Colonel Sanders.

>> Hawaii began requiring sellers to disclose whether their land is vulnerable to sea level rise from climate change, and University of Hawaii climate professor Chip Fletcher wondered, “What’s the market value of a house that’s about to fall in the ocean?” If you go by Honolulu rail, about $10 billion.

>> More than 100 attended the Hawaii Republican Convention, and local GOP Chair Lynn Finnegan said, “The apathy is no longer there.” It’s been replaced by fantasy.

>> Hawaii COVID-19 cases are surging past January highs, but you’d hardly know it from the slow information given by the state and the inaction of counties in the rush to “normalcy.” See no evil, hear no evil, say goodbye to vulnerable old people.

And the quote of the month … from Senate President Ron Kouchi on the Legislature’s close: “This is the most amazing legislative session that I have participated in. … We all deserve a big pat on the back.” A pat on the back by your own hand is as laudatory as a slap on the butt by a pickpocket.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.