David Shapiro: It would be a comedy of errors if they weren’t so real

It’s the last Sunday in June and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> Former Honolulu Prosecutor Keith Kaneshiro faces federal charges of wrongfully targeting an innocent woman at the behest of a big campaign donor. If it sticks, he and his deputy, Katherine Kealoha, will go down as the gang that couldn’t frame straight.

>> Rep. Matthew LoPresti was the latest state legislator arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, and like fellow Rep. Sharon Har before him, refused a field sobriety test. Most of our legislators can’t walk a straight line even when they’re sober.

>> Har pressed her bid for reelection to her Leeward seat, stating, “I’m a passionate advocate for a region that represents one of the last places on Oahu where working families can afford to live.” Says she who drives a Mercedes-Benz and does her drinking in town.

>> A debate among Democratic lieutenant governor candidates Sherry Menor-McNamara, Sylvia Luke, Ikaika Anderson and Keith Amemiya revolved around who has the best experience. What experience does it take for a $165,000 job whose main responsibility is embarrassing the governor?

>> Honolulu rail officials are negotiating with federal overseers on how much to budget for what rail CEO Lori Kahikina described as “unforeseen unknowns.” The only thing unforeseeable anymore on this wipeout is competence.

>> State economic chief Mike McCartney says he won’t answer questions about a disputed tourism marketing contract until “the process is complete and a contract is executed.” That’s Hawaii’s problem in a nutshell: We don’t find out what we’re stuck with until we’re stuck with it.

>> Instead of holding a news conference to discuss the city’s $3.2 billion budget, Mayor Rick Blangiardi had his staff interview him and posted film for the media. When he promised transparency, he didn’t mention it would be transparent butt-­kissing.

>> The cost of rice is at a 12-month high, with the price of a 25-pound bag up more than $2. And you laughed at the lady next door who hoarded rice in the pandemic while you bought cryptocurrency.

>> Mokulele Airlines is considering carrying passengers between islands on electric “seagliders,” described as part plane and part boat. You get your choice of an airsick bag or a seasick band.

>> The Honolulu Zoo welcomed a Sumatran tiger from Louisiana and is in talks with another zoo for a suitable female mate. She’s holding out for a better deal on the prenup.

>> Stevedores used a fishing net to capture a live male skunk at Honolulu Harbor. He was taken into custody after refusing a field rabies test.

And the quote of the month … from Navy Rear Adm. Dean VanderLey on defueling leaky Red Hill tanks: “We’re not trying to drag this out and it’s in nobody’s best interest, frankly, to drag this out. We absolutely do want to do it quickly, but to do it safely and to really strike that right balance.” That soft-shoe number could get him on “Dancing With the Stars.”

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.