David Shapiro: Big money makes Hawaii elections look more like auctions

It’s the last Sunday in October and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:

>> Donors led by developers, contractors, lawyers, lobbyists and business execs purchased influence by giving some $20 million to Hawaii political candidates so far this election. Buying and selling politicians is our most recession-proof industry.

>> Hawaii’s next governor could appoint three Supreme Court justices in his first term. No wonder so many attorneys are donating to Democratic front-runner Josh Green’s campaign.

>> A large share of donations to his Republican opponent, James “Duke” Aiona, have come from retirees. They’re the only ones in Hawaii who can remember what a two-party system is.

>> For the second time this year, a judge let a state legislator off the hook on drunken driving charges after they refused field sobriety tests — first Rep. Sharon Har and now Rep. Matthew LoPresti. Judges credited them for their negative IQ tests.

>> Gov. David Ige said he’s “racing to the finish” to implement his priorities as his term nears its end. For Ige, racing means rolling over from his back to his stomach.

>> A stalemate over the future of Aloha Stadium is described as a power struggle between Ige’s economic development chief Mike McCartney and the project’s legislative sponsors such as Sen. Glenn Wakai. It’s an epic battle between the lame duck and the AFLAC duck.

>> Mayor Rick Blangiardi showed his own pugnacious side, threatening severe penalties for illegal shoreline reinforcements on the North Shore, while vowing unprecedented fines and property liens to enforce new restrictions on vacation rentals with “as much aggression as possible.” He’s bucking for a title change to “MMA…yor.”

>> Hawaii’s parade of corruption continued as Wayne Inouye, former Honolulu chief building inspector, pleaded guilty to federal charges of accepting more than $100,000 in bribes. The only time our public officials stand up for us is when the judge says, “Will the defendant please rise.”

>> The Federal Transit Administration approved the city’s $10 billion recovery plan to stop Honolulu rail two stations short of the Ala Moana Center goal. It would have accepted Bela Lugosi’s “Plan 9 From Outer Space” to get this turkey off its plate.

>> The city staged an imaginary train crash to test first-responder readiness, and rail CEO Lori Kahikina played an unconscious passenger. It was a nice break from having critics question her qualifications.

>> Ige and Blangiardi each signed proclamations recognizing “National Diaper Need Awareness Week.” The need is equally acute on both sides of Punchbowl Street.

>> The Navy struggled to fix broken mains on its water system and faced state fines of $8.7 million for sewage leaks. You know we’re in trouble when the military branch that’s supposed to rule the seas can’t competently navigate its own pipes.

And the quote of the month … from Kailua resident Rebecca Rendon on “the smell of death” coming from a canal near her home: “I woke up thinking that it was a bad dream from watching that Jeffrey Dahmer Netflix show.” At first I thought she was describing a City Council meeting.

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.