Domestic violence doesn’t end when the bruises fade. For many domestic abuse survivors, the psychological wounds linger long after the physical abuse stops — often manifesting as anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder and other mental health conditions. Imagine enduring constant yelling, threats and manipulation in what’s supposed to be the safest place — your own home.
The trauma experienced by survivors is often exacerbated by ongoing fear and lack of support, which leads to severe mental distress.
Understanding the link between mental illness and suicide, research indicates 23% of domestic violence survivors have attempted suicide. Yet, as a society, we still refuse to treat mental illness as a public health crisis. Nearly 49,500 individuals died by suicide in 2022, making it the 11th leading cause of death nationwide.
When I left my abusive husband in 1987 while in California, my daughter was 4 years old and son was 5 years old. It was hard to leave because they were young, but I knew if I had stayed we would all be killed.
After we got back to Hawaii, I was diagnosed with PTSD, dissociative disorder and bipolar depression, and my children had schizophrenia for life. Navigating the mental health system became a second full-time job — except this one came with stigma, long waitlists, unaffordable care and a crushing sense of isolation.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, an important time to know that 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experiences mental illness each year. Suicide itself isn’t a mental illness, but it’s often the result of deep psychological suffering.
When someone is thinking about suicide, their mind is not in a place that can easily absorb reason or comfort. It’s like being trapped in a windowless room, pitch black, with no sense of direction. You can’t see the way out, and even if someone is speaking to you through the walls, their voice is muffled — distant, almost unreal. In that darkness, the idea of relief becomes more compelling than the idea of surviving. It’s not that the person doesn’t want help; it’s that they can’t always see or feel that help reaching them.
I know this because I’ve tried to take my own life many times. The worst attempt happened after my daughter unexpectedly died of a heart attack. A few days later, a doctor in the emergency department gave me 20 anti-anxiety pills. The next day, I took all of them, and I woke up three days later in Kaiser’s ICU. The hospitalist kept telling me, “Jenny, in most cases, people die after taking that much of this kind of medication — but you survived. I don’t know why.”
While I may never fully understand why I survived my suicide attempts, I do know this: when the trauma isn’t addressed, when I don’t take care of my mental health, the psychological toll becomes too heavy — and I end up in the emergency room or a psychiatric ward.
What we eat, how we move our bodies, the amount of sleep we get, whether or not we have a support system — these all play a critical role in our mental well-being. When those needs aren’t met, mental illness can worsen. I’ve lived through that. I’ve seen how powerful it is to have a support group of people who truly understand what it’s like to struggle. I’ve felt the difference that proper rest, exercise and nutrition can make. Mental wellness isn’t something that just happens — it’s something that has to be actively supported, both personally and systemically.
Mental Health Awareness Month is observed in May. Readers should call their county, state and congressional legislators to support resolutions and bills that promote mental health treatment. By learning more about mental illness, an individual can better understand family and friends struggling with mental illness. Society needs to treat psychological abuse as seriously as physical abuse. By taking any sort of stance, you can help create hope and change.
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To learn more: For information on how to make a difference, email Sgt. Corbin Matsumoto, a law enforcement lead for Honolulu’s Crisis Intervention Team, at cmatsumoto2@honolulu.gov.
Jenny Delos Santos is an author and community advocate for mental health and domestic violence issues.
