This Christmas will be the first holiday that Ilisapeti Solomon has ever celebrated in her 24 years, and it’s because she wants to give her two little boys the loving family life she never had.

Her sons are the reason for her being "clean and sober" for more than a year, said Solomon, who started drinking when she was 13 to blot out her misery.

"I cannot hide what happened to me," she said. "I’m trying to stop the cycle of what happened to me. … I ask God to give me strength. Sometimes I want to give up."

The Honolulu Star-Advertiser’s annual Good Neighbor Fund is collecting donations to bring the hope and warmth of the Christmas spirit to struggling families like Solomon’s through the Adopt-A-Family Program of Helping Hands Hawaii.

Solomon has been living since May at the Ohana Ola O Kahumana, a transitional shelter in Waianae. Michelle Amaya, Solomon’s case manager, wrote in her Adopt-a-Family recommendation: "Ilisapeti has a past that would make most people throw their hands up and quit. Her troubles and some bad judgment calls were a direct result of her upbringing, abuse and lack of protection from adults, and no structure and stability. She grew up with so much anger and hatred because she believed everybody wanted to hurt her and use her. I am so extremely proud of her because through so many trials she continues to remain clean and sober."

Originally from Maui, Solomon had a troubled upbringing. Solomon would frequently run away from home, and has often been the victim of violence in relationships with boyfriends. Her mother left the family to live with her boyfriend after her father died in 2003.

"I turned to drugs and alcohol and I started making babies when I was 16 years old," said Solomon, who gave up her first three children without ever bonding with them. She had children as a way of "fulfilling my gap," she said, adding, "I was mad and lonely and pissed off. Life didn’t matter."

But Solomon became attached to her fourth child, Gabriel, now 3, because she raised him on her own in a Mary Jane Home — a Catholic Charities Program for pregnant women — for his first year.

"I couldn’t see letting him go," she says.

Her fifth child, Koeli, now 2, was taken away at birth by state Child Welfare Services, along with Gabriel, because of her drinking. It tore her apart to say goodbye after each visit, she said.

"I was crying and hurt, so I chose to give up drinking. I needed to admit I’m an alcoholic; I cannot live life when I’m drinking. I was an unfit mother: no house, no job, no parenting skills. When my kids got taken away, I had the hardest time to make a decision what to do with my life. So I made up my mind to get my kids back," said Solomon. Her children were returned to her in January 2010, under monitorship by the state.

"That is why I am clean and sober today, to care for my kids no matter what. I want to give my children what I never had. I went to treatment and anger management class. It’s the first time I’m putting any effort into raising my kids.

"Now that I have my boys back, I cry to God for help because my kids like bikes, blocks, anything to do with electronics, but I can’t afford it. All the money we have goes to rent, phone bill, supplies for children. Just love and affection is what I have to give. I got no one to help me, not even immediate family."

This Christmas is the first holiday she will try to observe, as "we never celebrated anything when I was growing up," not even Halloween, she said.

In spite of a near-lifelong dependence on alcohol, she is not worried about returning to drinking, said Solomon, who is attending parenting classes and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

"I set my mind and said I’m going to do what is best for me. I take it one day at a time. I just pray and thank my Higher Power. This is the first time I’m being sober. I’m learning a lot; I’m shocked (at what there is to learn). This is the first time ever in my life I’ve lived on my own," she said.

She says she recognizes a problem with her personality.

"I react and no think. Today, I try to think, no react. I know it’s not going to happen overnight. I’m only 24."

For Christmas, Solomon would like the boys to have bikes, but they also need basics like diapers, wipes, clothes and shoes. She could also use a double stroller, as they have to catch the bus everywhere, and if they miss it, they end up walking a lot. They also need household items and furniture.

DONATIONS TO THE GOOD NEIGHBOR FUND